Weathered Love

PROMISE

The church bells chimed, demanding that we all turn our attention to the gloomy scene before us. I looked down at my black outfit and felt completely uncomfortable. I saw everyone around me shedding tears, some completely letting go and letting all their cries come out in some of the most horrific wails I'd ever heard. I must have been broken. I couldn't even shed a tear.

The priest's words went over my head. Try as I might, I couldn't seem to pay attention to what he was saying. It was so sudden. I'd gotten the call just a few days before and nearly dropped my phone. I wanted to cry. I didn't want to appear heartless. Was there no love in me anymore? I tried to steady my breathing as I walked up to the front of the church, slowly approaching the shiny wooden box. My nerves got the better of me and I could feel a smile pulling at the corner of my lips.

I couldn't laugh, couldn't smile, not here, not now. It was so inappropriate. I approached the family and felt myself grow more and more nervous. I made my way down the line, offering my condolences to the line of completely unfamiliar faces until I chanced upon the one face I had come to support. "I'm so sorry Leah," I whispered.

She put on a brave smile. "Finally, a friendly face," she responded. I gave her a tight hug. I didn't care that I was holding up the line of well-wishers. Leah wasn't loosening her grip and I didn't want to be the one to end it.

Her father had lost his battle to his cancer. We had thought he was in remission, but it suddenly came back with an unparalleled aggression and didn't give him a chance to fight it before it took him away. And just like that, Leah's dad was gone. She was set to go on another mission trip the day of the funeral. She pushed back her departure date so she could be here to say one last goodbye to her father.

Leah finally loosened her grip and I noticed some disgruntled expressions in the line of people growing behind me. But I didn't care. Their mild inconvenience of having to wait a few extra seconds was nothing compared to what Leah was going through. And if I could help ease any of her suffering, even in the smallest way, it was worth it.

"If you ever need anything, you have my number," I offered. I reassuringly squeezed her hand and she came in for another hug, which I wholeheartedly accepted. Once we finished our second hug, I gave her mother a hug as well. I had only met her a handful of times, but she recognized me and seemed grateful that I was there.

We all came to support Leah: Mackenzie, Samantha, Karen, Jenna, Ivan, Ella and I. Some other people from our high school that I recognized and a lot of mission and college peers I'd never met before were there too. Our high school group drove to the cemetery and were, interestingly enough, the first ones there. We wandered around looking for the plot where Leah's father would be buried. We finally found it and waited there for everyone else to show up.

The sun shone too brightly, too happily, too strongly for a day of mourning. The birds didn't get the memo that there was to be no happiness here. The shining green grass boasted of it's health and beauty as though we weren't there to leave behind one of our own to be consumed under its roots. It was too nice a day for a funeral. And it almost felt like mockery.

"This sucks," Mackenzie stated. "Leah's dad was so awesome. Of all people to be taken too early..." she trailed off. Ivan and I gave each other sideways glances. Death had become too prominent a topic in our lives.

"I agree," was all I could muster before noticing that the procession had arrived. Leah and her mother exited the first car that was trailing the hearse, Leah supporting her mother. Her parents may have been divorced, but it didn't mean there was no love between them. That was the first time I realized I had no clue what real love meant. I was oblivious to how truly deep and complicated and strong love must be. If two people who decided that they could no longer be in a committed relationship can have this type of reaction to each other's passing, then love was definitely something I hadn't yet fully grasped.