Weathered Love

AMATEUR

It was one of the hardest decisions I'd made, but after talking to Andrew, Ella, the Hansens, my parents, and everyone else under the sun who was aware of my dilemma, it appeared the response was unanimous.

At least Andrew couldn't be there for the initial video. I needed to do this one alone. I forbade Ella from joining. I had to do this on my own. I made sure that the presentation video would be ready to go at the click of a button. I sat in front of the camera with my mask and guitar. I took a few deep breaths, then hit the "Record" button.

"Hey there fans and fanettes! This is a super-special episode. You might be wondering why, and I don't want to keep you in suspense," I stated.

My hands were shaking so badly, it was a good thing I needed to put down the guitar. I would have dropped it otherwise. I finally took in a deep breath to calm my shattered nerves, then looked straight into the camera. "Here's the real me," I finally stated, whipping off my mask before I could convince myself otherwise.

"I won't tell you all my real name, although I imagine it'll circulate if anyone recognizes me," I stated, looking straight into the camera with an extremely forced smile. I hoped against hope that it looked as natural as I intended.

"Fans and fanettes, I appreciate your patience in the face reveal. You've all been wonderful and oh-so-kind, and I can't thank you enough. I've also received permission from Wolf's family to reveal his face. But, I wanted to make this extremely special, because Wolf was extremely special. So, I've put together a video of Wolf, both as his online alter-ego, but moreso as his natural self, sans mask. I hope you all enjoy, and thanks for tuning into this face reveal. We love you all," I stated.

I pressed another button on the remote, which switched the live feed to a screen recording of the computer. I then hopped off my chair and pressed play on the video I had made of Ivan. I tried to breathe through my pounding heart, which did little to help in calming me down. I tried again, and after a few more attempts, I figured the heightened heartbeat meant that I just needed to work through the anxiety rather than quash it.

"Hello again, all," I stated, sitting on my stool without my mask but with the guitar on my lap. "So, now you know what Wolf and I look like. And, I imagine, you understand how beautiful our friendship was," I gulped. I took a moment, closing my eyes and feeling the smile spread across my face. "Like myself, I won't give you his name, and yet, I imagine, it'll be figured out," I continued to explain. "Wolf, the pain isn't gone, but it's less than what it was before," I continued my monologue. "These are for you. All the songs under the sun couldn't express the loss and joy of you."

I began by singing "Echo" by Jason Walker. It was followed by a forlorn song by Ben Platt called "Grow as we Go". It really got to me, because I could really feel the yearning for the person he was missing who he helped grow, who only ended up leaving him in the end. And while Ivan didn't walk out on me to advance his career, I could understand the feeling of abandonment in his prime.

I rounded out the segment with "This is Not Goodbye" by Sidewalk Prophets. As I finished off the last song, and felt the heaviness in my heart, I took in yet another deep breath and realized that I needed to put on another mask. An emotional one. "Just one more song, because I think you all deserve a positive note at the end of this video," I stated. I played "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield, reminding myself and the viewers that everyday is a new page to their story. That this life isn't over until it's over, and every day, every hour, every minute, every second, is a new chance at redemption.

Once I finished, I put down the guitar and smiled into the camera. Emotional mask on. "That's all for today fans and fanettes! I'll be posting videos with and without the mask, just for fun. Feel free to let me know your preferences in the comments. Until next time!" I waved at the camera with one hand and pressed the remote to stop the recording with my other hand. I hopped off the stool, went behind the camera and completely turned it off, then turned off the laptop, because I knew I didn't want to deal with the comments just yet.