Weathered Love

TERRIFIED

"Just come with us!" Ella insisted. It was still an hour before the party would start, but I was in no mood to go. Instead, I was sitting on the couch with some sweatpants on and a steaming hot cup of tea in hand.

"Honestly, I just want to wear my PJs and watch the ball drop on TV," I resisted. "Maybe next year," I offered.

"You're exhausting," Ella griped.

"You bring it on yourself. You don't have to try to convince me to go to the party. You can just go and enjoy it. Why do I need to be there?" I asked.

"Whatever," Ella dismissed, aggressively walking away from me. I continued flipping through the channels. There was nothing really interesting to watch. So I decided to start my movie-fest early, starting with a light comedy to ease me into it.

An hour passed by quickly, and Ivan was at the door to pick up Ella. "Are you sure you don't want to come?" he inquired, a hopeful tint to his voice.

"Absolutely positive," I confirmed.

"Don't waste your breath," Ella muttered as she passed by us at the door.

"Have fun you guys! Let me know how it went!" I waved them off, closed the door, and returned to my movie.

After finishing the first movie and moving on to another movie, this time a thriller, I started to get a little restless. I went up to my room to write a little bit, hoping I could release some of the anxiety I was starting to feel. I had no clue why I was feeling that way, but for some weird reason, I was. When I had sufficiently expressed the worry welling up inside me, I went back downstairs to finish the movie. But then, the uneasiness came back up. I chalked it up to the movie being very dramatic and decided to go for a walk.

I bundled up, tucked a small notebook into my coat pocket, and walked to the nearby playground. The same one I visited whenever I felt down. Except I didn't have any alcohol that time. Which was for the best, since I was alone in the middle of the night and probably needed to have my wits about me. I sat down on a swing and just lightly swayed back and forth. I scribbled some poetry down, and suddenly noticed some tears dripping onto the pages.

I instantly had clarity as to why I was restless. I was anxious about being alone. Not specifically in that moment, but in life. I knew I was still hung up on Caleb, and I was turning down all prospects because I couldn't fully get over him. I knew that it meant that I probably would spend the rest of my life alone, hung up on a guy that would never return my calls let alone my feelings. And being so lonely scared me to my core.

I knew worse things could happen to me. But for some weird reason, it was the idea of dying alone that was tightening my stomach and preoccupying my mind. Suddenly, I heard a crunch and whipped my head around. Someone was walking towards me in the snow. I jumped off the swing and took a few steps away.

"Sorry," said the distant voice. My voice caught in my throat. What kind of psycho comes to a park alone at night? Aside from myself, of course. "I thought the place would be empty. I didn't expect company on New Year's Eve." The person approached, and I could barely see his face through all the bundling he was wearing. The dark didn't help either. I could tell he was a guy, and I could see that he had brown eyes and light skin. But that was all I could see. I couldn't even tell his age.

"I didn't expect company either," I mumbled. I started to walk home.

"I wouldn't mind company," he stated, stopping me in my tracks. My head and heart were screaming at me to run home. My gut was wrenching. But, against my better instincts, I stayed. To be polite, to continue writing, to prove I was brave... I had no clue why. But I did. I went back to the swings and sat down on the one I had occupied previously. He took the swing next to me.