Weathered Love

SHIELD

Spring Break came and went without incident. The Spring semester was getting increasingly hectic and stressful. I found myself turning more and more towards the free gym activities as a stress reliever. I even got my belay certification for the rare occasions Ivan and I had mutual free time to go.

It was also a form of escapism from my feelings. I was over guys. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. I flirted. I pretended to be interested. I worked on my attraction game but hardly put it to use. I still reverted to the comfortable tomboy mode, challenging guys to macho activities and feeling comfortable like I did at fifteen, with the added element of feeling like I could snap my fingers and any one of these guys would come running to have a shot at me.

I knew they were all looking for the one thing I'd never give them, though, so I always backed off when I found that they were getting too eager.

I quickly became labeled a tease, and I actually wore that label with pride. Nobody would dare hurt or get too close to the tease out of fear of being used or hurt themselves. My defenses were completely up. The funny thing was, I was extremely happy. Not letting anyone in for a while, albeit lonely at times, felt so good. Freeing. Light. Safe.

The semester ended and we had an end-of-the-year party at the house, a final hoopla before saying bye for the summer. We decided that we enjoyed our living arrangement and we renewed the lease, but for the summer, we were all going to go our separate ways. Whoever wanted to use the house or sub-lease their part could, as long as the rent came in on time.

The party was getting into full swing and I had figured out a foolproof way of not getting people to force me to drink: pour the drinks myself. So long as I kept busy actually doling out the drinks, even when people tried to get me to drink with them, I could tell them I'd join them later, and later would never have to come.

"Hey Ivy!' Jason enthusiastically stated as he approached our makeshift bar.

"What's going on Jason? Are you having fun?" I inquired, making small talk. I briefly entertained the idea of being a bartender.

"Eh," Jason shrugged.

"What's wrong?" I inquired.

"Just feeling a little lonely, you know?" he stated. I knew what he meant. Soon after our night at the rock-wall, Catrin had gone public with her relationship with Frank. Most of us who knew her were happy for her. Frank was a genuinely good guy.

He definitely went through the ringer to get her. All the housemates took their turn interrogating him, and from what I heard, so did her family and other friends of hers. No one was taking chances with the next guy. Frank took the investigation with an understanding and easy-going attitude. It made it that much easier to approve of him.

"Sometimes, loneliness isn't so bad," I commented. "No one to answer to but yourself."

"You prefer being alone?" Jason asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

I shrugged. "I have great friends and no need for a man," I responded noncommittally. "Besides, who needs the drama of being with someone only to get hurt and then going through the pain over and over again, same heartbreak, just different faces?"

"You're a dark one," Jason smiled at me. I kindly smiled back. "So, what's good?" he asked, looking to the array of bottles sitting on the table.

"The liquor store," I joked. Jason sweetly chuckled at my comment. "I love our parties, and I'd like to think my mixes are magic, but this is all the cheap stuff. You know, a bunch of broke college students surprisingly don't have the funds to buy Dom Perignon," I sarcastically stated. Jason gave me a confused look. "It's expensive champagne," I explained.