Weathered Love

SORRY

I sobbed on the floor of my bedroom, furious with myself for driving away such an amazing guy. And over something so trivial too. Why did it matter so much who he went to breakfast with? Why did I have to be so mean about it? As I poured out my agony in uncontrolled sobs, I didn't notice the door slowly opening until Andrew was almost completely inside.

He sat down next to me on the floor, gathered me in his arms, kissed the top of my head, and whispered, "I'm sorry I made you feel like you weren't special." It was the apology I was fighting for. And yet, it paled in comparison to the relief I felt in knowing I hadn't completely driven him away. I buried my face in his chest as I clung to him for dear life. Were we still together? Or was he just being nice before shattering my heart into a million pieces? I didn't care. At least he was there in that moment. I continued to sob into his shirt, which was completely out of character for me, as he continued to hold me.

I finally managed to calm down enough to come to my senses. I quickly wiped my eyes and averted my gaze as I brought my head up enough. "I'm sorry too," I admitted with utmost shame in my heart. I had been a brat. And he still apologized first. He put his finger under my chin and turned my face so that our eyes met. He gave me a half smirk, then leaned in for a kiss, which I hungrily accepted.

Once we both leaned away from each other, the rest of my senses came to me and I jumped up. "Noah's still waiting outside!" I exclaimed.

Andrew chuckled. "I told him to go ahead and we'd meet up with him. Don't worry," he explained.

"Well, let's go then," I stated. "It'd be rude to keep him waiting," I smiled. Andrew smiled and shook his head at me as he stood up and approached me, giving me a peck on the forehead, grabbing my hand, and leading me out the door.

"You know," he began to state as we walked, hand-in-hand, towards the breakfast spot. "We really should talk about what was said." I felt my stomach tighten. I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted it to be swept under the rug and I wanted it to stay there.

"OK," I slowly responded. "Is that really necessary?" I finally questioned.

"Yes," Andrew sighed. "I'm not mad, and I assume you're not mad either. But there were some things that were said that I think we need to explore a little bit." My heart sank. I couldn't refuse. Not if I wanted to have an open and healthy relationship. But it was not a conversation I wanted to have. Because I knew what I'd done wrong. I knew what I'd said because I truly believed it and what I said purely for the sake of trying to hurt Andrew. And I didn't want to admit that I said anything solely for the sake of hurting him. But I also didn't want him to think that everything I said was from the heart.

"Fine," I finally relented. Andrew gave me a reassuring squeeze.

"We'll lay some ground rules, so that we're not hurting each other. OK?" Andrew offered. I nodded, but I had a sinking feeling that, no matter how kind Andrew was going to be, my guilt would skyrocket.

* * *

"OK, I'm ready," I breathed. I sat on my couch, with my eyes closed, waiting for the verbal lashing that Andrew was going to give me.

"OK, first rule," Andrew started. "We focus on facts. No drawing conclusions or accusing the other of any motivations. We just focus on what happened and what we each said." I nodded, my eyes still closed, hoping that Andrew saw the non-verbal confirmation. "Second rule: Any talks of emotions or feelings are limited to how an action or a statement made us feel. We don't accuse each other of feeling any certain way." I nodded again, still waiting to be lectured. "Third and final rule: we don't say anything for the purpose of hurting the other. We love each other. Let's make sure we remember that when we go through this." I nodded my head yet again. "Great. You start," Andrew ordered.