Weathered Love

REBEL

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" Mackenzie yelled into the phone later that night.

After we had finished boxing up Ivan's things, we had rejoined the mourners and I had discreetly given respective recipients their envelopes - if I had found one for them - just as they were leaving. I left after everyone else had gone home so I could give Ivan's parents the envelope he had made for them. It took every muscle in my body to hand it to them, not knowing what he had written and knowing it might break them further. But I wanted to honor Ivan's final wish.

"What are you talking about?" I inquired, genuinely confused.

"Ivy, I love you, and I know you love me. But... a kidney?" she inquired.

"Ivan wrote that in the letter?" I asked, furious.

"That's not the point-" Mackenzie started.

"He had no right! And I can't even get mad at him because he's not here. I hope he hears my anger in Heaven! NOT COOL IVAN!" I yelled. I then immediately shut up, wondering how the rest of the family might react to my sudden lecturing of a dead person.

"Ivy, you didn't have to..." Mackenzie started. She sounded remorseful.

"I'm glad I did. I don't want to think about how hard these last few days would have been if I had lost you too," I responded.

"Wait, is that why you never wore bikinis?" Mackenzie suddenly realized.

I chuckled. "Yeah. But I can now, since you know. Although I would have preferred to be the one to tell you," I commented.

"I miss him," Mackenzie breathed. "He'd know how to yell at you right now."

"Trust me, he kept telling me to tell you. I just didn't want you to feel like you owed me something or feel guilty or try to return it... you know?" I explained.

"Yeah, I definitely need his expert yelling right now. For you being so insane as to think I would feel anything but extremely grateful for the gift of life you gave me," Mackenzie teased with heartfelt sentiment. I smiled to myself at the effort she was making. And then I cried over missing Ivan. I hated that my emotions were all over the place.

I just cried into the phone for a good few minutes before managing to pull myself back together. "Thanks," I softly stated into the phone.

"Of course," Mackenzie responded.

"I'm going to head to bed soon. Goodnight hun," I softly stated.

"Goodnight my love," she responded. We both hung up. I looked at the suitcase in front of me. What was the point of going back to California? I definitely wasn't ready. And then I remembered that I needed to be strong. If Maria could go back, then I could go back.

"Hey," Ella knocked at the door. I turned to look at her and give her a slight smile.

"Hey," I responded. "Just packing up for the next two weeks," I explained, gesturing to the bag.

"Can't you get out of finals? I'm sure the school would allow it," Ella pointed out. "You're in grieving. You're not in the head-space to take final exams," she pointed out.

"I'll be fine," I bravely responded, hoping my performance was better than I pictured.

"I'm sure you will be," Ella placated. "I just figured that maybe you should take care of yourself a bit, that's all."

"I will. I'll become a completely depressed recluse after the semester is over. Sound good?" I offered. Ella gave me a knowing smile. My act wasn't that good. But she wasn't going to push it either.