Weathered Love

RESTART

I woke up the next morning to find that Ivan had already gotten up. I found the dorm showers and took the most refreshing shower I had ever taken. I felt renewed and invigorated. I changed then headed back to Ivan's room, finding him packing up his bag for class. "Ready to go?" he asked, turning to me. I nodded, making a grab for my bag. I still wasn't quick, and Ivan beat me to it. He picked up my bag, and, noticing my offended expression, gave me a pointed look that urged me to just let him carry my bag.

I simply rolled my eyes and headed out of his room, making my way to the cafeteria. We met Catrin, Hannah, Lorenzo and some other people from our orientation group at breakfast. I had some of the bland oatmeal, and was so grateful to Catrin for knowing how to handle the situation.

Then, suddenly, I was getting message after message and call after call on my phone. Ella, my mom, my dad, Mackenzie, Samantha, and even Leah kept trying to contact me. It was so sudden and weird.

I walked away from the table and found an empty hallway to try to manage the barrage of messages that were suddenly occupying my phone. I finally managed to fumble and pick up Ella's call. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME IVY? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?"

"Calm down, what are you talking about?" I asked.

"Now I know why you never wanted to video chat... Ivy..." her voice cracked.

"Ella..." I started to explain. But then I stopped. I still didn't know what I was trying to explain. "Could you just tell me what the problem is?" I finally said.

"Your roommate posted a picture of you. You're so... skinny," she finally managed to find to least harsh words to explain her sudden outburst.

"Oh," was all I replied.

"Ivy, you can't do this to me," she sobbed.

I then started crying too. I never meant to hurt her. It's why I never let her see me. She'd never understand anyway.

"I'm not doing this to you," I responded through a sob. "I'm doing it for me."

"You have to know this isn't healthy. Mom saw and she's having a meltdown. Dad's trying to find flights to California so he can bring you back. They both think you can't handle being on your own," Ella explained.

I took in too much air and was starting to feel the walls close in on me. I reached out to find the wall and lean on it for support. I slid down against the wall and sat against it, propping my head up with the hand that wasn't holding my phone.

I couldn't go back. Not yet. I needed to be away from that town. From home. From all the places and people that reminded me of the person I used to be. The fat, disgusting, undesirable girl whose only hope of having a guy in her life was to be his buddy, because he'd never see her as attractive.

"Ella, please, you have to believe me, I'm getting help. Ivan's been helping me, I'm eating again, I promise, but I can't come back home. Please," I pleaded. "You have to convince mom and dad."

"No," she responded. "I've missed you here, and I find out you were avoiding me because you don't want me to know you're starving yourself. What if you died? Is that how we would have found out?"

"Ella," I pleaded again. I couldn't contain the sobs. I was heaving. It was too much for my body to take. "Ella, please," I begged in a low tone. I needed to calm down, or else I wouldn't be able to continue talking to her. "I don't want to come back home. I can't. Please," I continued.

She had to understand. She had to know that what happened to me, or rather, what I did to myself, wasn't a matter of being homesick or avoiding my family. It was me.