Weathered Love

ISOLATED

"Thanks," I said to Hannah. I then hung up the phone.

She had been looking for a place to stay for the spring semester. I had decided to follow Maria's lead and took the rest of the Fall semester off. I'd go back in the Spring, but I just couldn't live in that house. It was too painful. The housemates agreed that I was allowed to visit and stay as I pleased, but I would no longer be officially living there. Frank took Ivan's spot at the house. At least that worked out. And Maria found another girl from one of her classes to take her spot.

"Hey," Catrin stated after a quick knock at my door.

"Hey," I sighed. At least I wasn't constantly crying those days. Although there was a constant heaviness in my chest. And anything could set me off, whether conscious or not.

"Do you need help with anything?" she inquired. I looked around. I had many bags packed up, mostly with Ivan's stuff, ready to take back to New York. I wasn't waiting until the end of the semester to go back to New York. Once I was excused from final exams, I booked a flight home. I just needed to be away for a bit. Regain some composure. And then maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to face the next semester.

I found an apartment I could use for just the Spring semester, and if I liked it enough, I'd rent it for my senior year. It was crazy to think I was so close to my senior year, and yet, it seemed pointless to continue.

I turned to Catrin. "Yeah, I'm having some trouble getting everything packed away. Packing for two people is..." I felt my voice catch in my throat.

"Yeah, I've got you," Catrin responded, coming into my room and starting to fold clothes and put them into the open suitcase I had propped open on my bed. "We'll miss you around here," she stated.

"I'll visit all the time," I promised.

"I have no doubt," Catrin smiled at me. We continued folding and packing in silence. All too soon, my room was bare, stripped of my personality, just as Ivan's room had been. "This feels so weird," Catrin commented.

"Yeah," I agreed. I sighed again and looked around. It really didn't feel natural to be in that room. With a slight grunt I lifted my backpack onto the chair of my desk, ensuring it had enough room for my phone and charger when I would put them away the next morning before leaving for the airport. "I will miss living with you guys. But it's just... it's too much," I allowed myself to admit.

"I know," Catrin stated, rubbing my arm in a comforting way.

"How are you holding up? I know he meant a lot to you too," I asked. I didn't like the idea of being selfish with the comfort.

"I'll be fine," Catrin smiled. "I'll miss him, that's for sure. But we had both moved on already, and we had even drifted apart a bit," she pointed out. "I'm sorry I can't be more upset about it."

"Why would you apologize for that?" I inquired. It was a strange thing to apologize for.

"I guess, since he meant so much to you, I wouldn't want you feeling like he was nothing special just because it doesn't affect me as deeply as it affects you," Catrin pointed out.

I smiled and gave her a hug. "You don't need to be sorry for that," I assured her. "I don't expect people to be as impacted by this as much as I am, or as much as Maria and his family are. But it's sweet that you care that way." We embraced again.

"Lorenzo said he'll give you a ride to the airport tomorrow if you need it," Catrin offered.

"Thanks," I breathed. We both then left the room and went downstairs where the roommates and some other friends were waiting.