Falling for The Dolan Twins

what did i do?

*THERE IS MUSIC IN THE CHAPTER WHEN YOU SEE THE WORDS *PLAY MUSIC NOW* HIT PLAY ON THE SONG!!
*previously*

"Ok I love you," I said
"Love you too," and he walked out
I went to my closet to find something that fits. My stomach felt weird, everything was fine but it felt wrong. I just ignored it.
*present*
I got dressed and pulled my hair into a messy bun. I went downstairs and waited for Ethan. Emily was eating pancakes, I wanted pancakes. I wasn't aloud eat before the ultrasound.
I was so excited, I was going to see my baby for the first time. Maybe even I'm far along enough to find out the gender. I think I'm far along because I've had these symptoms for months. Maybe Twins?? I'm gonna ask if we can find out the father of the baby.
I haven't been this happy in months, I'm gonna be a mom! But will Ethan be the dad?
Ethan knocked on the front door. I ran to open it.
"There's my pregnant girl!" He said hugging me
"Never say that again!" I laughed
He just hugged me, he was excited to. I mean why wouldn't he be, we were gonna see the baby!
"Ready to go?" He asked
"Yup!" I said
He held my hand as we walked to the car. My life felt whole, like I was coming to a complete happiness. I was going to have a baby, I was dating the love of my life. I was at home and the sun was shining no clouds in sight. I was happy. Happy.
I haven't been genuinely happy in so long, but right here right now I'm genuinely happy. Happy.
I was scared it would end in me crying my eyes out, like everything always does.

We drove for over an hour, listening to happy music and singing every word. Ethan held my hand as we drove.
When we arrived, my stomach was still feeling off. It worried me but I ignored it again. We sat in the waiting room for about 30 min, then we were called back.
I felt this sudden pain, but ignored it. I felt this sudden fear, yet I didn't know what I was scared about.
The doctor put this goo on my stomach, and moved the tools around.
"Alright so here's the baby," he said pointing at the screen
"Oh wow," Ethan said grabbing my hand
"That's unusual," the doctor whispered
My heart dropped, unusual?
"What do you mean?" I asked
By this I started to know what I was fearing. I knew what was wrong before the doctor said anything. I had known this whole time, but I ignored it.
"The baby's not moving." He said
"No," Ethan said
"I'll check the heartbeat because it may be just a glitch in the computer," the doctor reassured us
I still knew what was gonna happen, I didn't say anything.
Ethans hands relaxed, he looked at me. He saw the tear build up in my eyes. He understood.
The doctor hooked up the heartbeat mechanism.
"Alright listen close," he said flipping the switch on
We listened.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.

*PLAY MUSIC NOW!
I felt my heart drop.
Almost as if it hit the floor.
"I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Dolan, I'm very sorry you may leave now," whispered the doctor
I was still holding Ethan's hand, tears were rolling down my cheeks. I looked at Ethan.
He was staring off, eyes filled with tears. I sat up and hugged him.
"Ethan," I cried
"Come on we need to go," he said crying
We walked out of the doctors office and went to Ethan's car.
"What the fuck did I do wrong?" I whispered
"Nothing," He said grabbing my hand
I went into my head, staring out into the world. What did I do wrong? Why did I loose my baby? My poor baby, why? What did I do wrong? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?! Why does everything end in a fucking disaster? I can't take this shit anymore I want to fucking die. I ruin everything, why not leave? Fuck this. My brain is in over load.
"Fuck!" I yelled
"Hey, were gonna be ok we'll get through this," Ethan said calming me down
"WILL WE ETHAN!?! Will I ever get over this , will I ever get over the fact the my child died before I gave it a name or watched his or her walk their first steps or the baby pictures or the fact I'll never see em go off to college and have babies of their own?" I yelled
He just looked me in the eyes, he stopped the car.
He hugged me, tightly
"I know, I wanted to see the first steps and their birthday parties, but we can't and it fucking sucks but at least we have each other," he said
Yeah we have each other.

Sad chapter😭

peace.