In Your Arms ( Med Series #1)

Prologue

"Sigurado ka na ba diyan Henzy?" tanong sa akin ni Renaissa.

Nandito kaming dalawa sa apartment at nag-iimpake ng mga gamit. Napa buntong hininga ako habang pinagmamasdan ang kwarto kong unti-unti ng nawawalan ng buhay.

Nag iimpake ako ng gamit dahil gusto kong umalis, magpakalayo-layo upang hindi ko na siyang makita pa. I need to heal myself for me to continue living my life. What he did was too much for me to handle.

I never expected this to happen. I never expected. . . that he will do these things to hurt me. Am I not worthy to love? I gave everything, I gave it all just for him and it turns out that he will hurt me more than I deserved.

"Oo, kailangan kong umalis. Alam mo naman diba? I can't take too much pain anymore. Marami ng nangyari sa buhay ko," sabi ko sa kanya habang tinutupi ang mga damit ko.

Hindi ko naman dadalhin lahat. 'Yong mga importante lang at iiwanan ang dapat iwanan. I should move forward. . . I don't want to be stuck on my past.

Renaissa has always been there for me since then, she witnessed all of my miserable days. Hindi na bago sa kaniya kung ano man ngayon ang nangyayari sa akin.

Leaving them was not part of my plan. I treasure every moment the times that I was with them. But everything turns out to be chaotic for me. I can't handle it anymore. . . everything is too much. . . too much for me to handle.

I told everyone about my plan and they all respected it. They knew how much pain I am right now, I can't think straight and everything turns black for me.

Leaving everything behind is my way to escape this pain. Isa na naman ako sa mga minalas sa taong minamahal. Akala ko, maayos na kami pero hindi siguro ako sapat para sa kaniya.

Habang nilalagay namin ang mga damit ko sa maleta napatingin sa akin si Renaissa. Nakikita ko ang awa at lungkot na napadaan sa kaniyang mata. She was there from the start, she was there when how my first love failed now another love been failed again. Malas ba talaga ako sa pag-ibig?

Do I not deserve to be happy? Just like everyone does? Why do people always do this to me? Hindi ba talaga ako ka mahal-mahal para gawin sa akin 'to?

"Huwag mo akong titigan ng ganyan, babalik naman siguro ako kapag okay na ako," pilit na ngiting pagsasabi ko sa kaniya.

Bukas na ang araw ng pag-alis ko.. I don't want to stuck here. Ang lugar na ito ay napakaraming ala-ala na dapat nang kalimutan. I don't want to remember everything, all I wanted was to forget every memories that have with him, I wanted to escape this pain immediately.

"Bakit ayaw mo siyang pakinggan? Willing naman siyang mag explain sayo." Hindi ko alam kung bakit nasabi sa akin 'to ni Renaissa pero sarado pa ang puso ko.

Explain? Saan banda paba kailangan niyang mag explain? Tama na yung nakita ko at narinig ko. Masakit makita ang mga lahat ng iyon. Masakit dahil nagawa niya 'yon sa akin.

I closed my eyes as I remember everything clearly. Nandito na naman 'yong parang punyal na tumutusok sa dibdib ko kapag lahat ng 'yon na-aalala ko.

Unti-unti kong inangat ang sulok ng aking labi, a forced one. "Ano pa ba ang dapat niyang ipaliwanag? Masaya naman siya eh. Ako na lang yung naiwan pa sa nakaraan namin."

Just when I thought that everything seems okay. Just when I thought that I never do wrong for him to do this to me. Hindi ko namalayan na unti-unti na rin palang nawawala ang namamagitan sa amin.

"But leaving everything behind wouldn't solve your problem, Henzy. You're just escaping again and again," Renaissa trying to give me a piece of advice while she was helping me to fold some of my clothes.

I stopped what I am doing and looked at her directly to the eyes, "Leaving everything will help me to be whole again. I don't want to cling on everything that's happening to me. I can't. I just can't. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang gagawin ko Renaissa. Parang lahat na lang pinagkait sa akin." I broke down in front of her again.

Paulit-ulit na lang ang pag-agos ng luha ko. Pagod na ako, pagod na ako sa lahat na nangyayari sa akin.

Nasaan na ang pangako niya? Mga pangako niyang lumipad sa hangin at di naka balik sa akin.

"Ikaw bahala, desisyon mo din naman yan. Sana maging maayos kana. Always remember that I am here. We're all here."

Sana nga, maging okay ulit at mahanap ko ang sarili ko.

"I promise. I will be better."