*2 months later May 2020
Y/n POV
The past couple of months have been frustrating. After a came out my life finally felt free but, I still felt trapped and I couldn't help but see my relationship with Shawn being the root of the reason.
"Hey babe, do you want-"
"No Shawn I don't" I say annoyed
"You didn't even let me ask the question" he says
"You're gonna ask if I want to go for a walk or something and I'm tired so no" I say
"Ok well at least let me get my words out..." he says. "All you fucking do is lay in bed all day. I thought once you came out you'd feel more optimistic or something, anything but lazy"
"Well I guess I'm just lazy" I say
"You need to get up and exercise or do something"
"I don't wanna get up and exercise or do something God just leave me alone" I say
"...Then what do you want y/n?" He says
"I don't know Shawn I want-" I start to say
"You wanna break up" he says
"What I- I was gonna say a tub of ice cream... but... yeah I do" I say. "How did you-"
"Oh I don't know maybe your constant need for me to leave you alone... I could tell" he laughs. "Ever since the accident and even before that, I could tell something was off"
"Oh" I say. "Shawn I'm sorry I just-"
"You still love her" he says
"I- Shawn-"
"No it's ok, I knew you did the second we saw her at that party, you have unfinished business there" he says
I didn't really know what to say, I didn't want to hurt him with the truth but he already seemed to know all the answers.
"I'm sorry I really thought I had finally gotten over her" I say
"...No you didn't" he says
"What?" I asked surprised
"You thought she had finally gotten over you.... I don't think you were ever over her. She moved on and you thought you needed to too" he says
"Shawn I do love you I never stopped" I say trying to reassure him
"Yeah, I know... But not like you love her..." he says
"I... I don't know what you want me to say" I say
"I just don't get it" He says
"She hurt you repeatedly, why do you want to be with someone like that?" He asks
"Well there's something you have wrong, she hurt me yeah, but I'm the one who repeatedly hurt her"
"What do you mean?" He says
"When we first met I was a confused closeted kid who heard I love you and bolted. I didn't know who I was and I let her fall in love with me despite that. I constantly rebuked my feelings for her and I treated her like shit" I say
"What about her and Ryan?" He asks
"Yeah, she dated my best friend but I'd rather that have happened now versus them figuring out how they felt 20 years down the road when everyone's married and kids are involved"
"Oh" he says
"Despite all of the shit I put her through, she was still trying to spare my feelings. So the question should be, why would she want to be with someone like me?" I say dropping to the couch and crying
"... maybe it's because you're so beautiful that just one look at you would drive any sane person out of their mind" he says trying to console me
"I'm not that beautiful" I laugh
"Well I mean you've got two people never mind thousands of other people that would break down towers just to be near you" He says making me laugh
"Look, I get it you've made mistakes but don't beat yourself up about it, we all do stupid stuff when we're confused about love plus you're from the south, most of you guys are super confused about sexuality anyways" he laughs
"I hate you" I laugh
"Whatever" He laughs back
"So you're not mad at me?" I ask
"No, I'm mad and a little heartbroken, remember we built this house together and had a future planned... but, I want you to be happy. Things haven't been very "honey monny" for us lately I've felt it to so go, be happy" he says making me smile
"Thank you" I say
"Of course" he says back
••••••
Y/n: Hey, what are you doing rn?
Lauren: Nothing, why?
Y/n: Wanna hang out?
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