Not Quite Sure Yet

Chapter 5

Dear Joey,

I've been at this shit hole of a school for a week now. And God does it feel like it. I haven't had any more trouble from Duke and Nicole, but that was sort of guaranteed. When you tell people you're gay so frankly, they don't really know how to react. In fact, I've been pretty invisible for the past three days. At first, of course, I got the typical jeers of "Faggot" and "Gay boy" but they stopped pretty quickly when I teased them about their lack of imagination. But here's the thing you wouldn't believe, Joe. I've actually, kinda, met a girl I really get on with.

Not in that way, Jesus. I'm gay, man. But the day after the Bitch and her boyfriend incident, I was sat on the table in the corner, like the day before, at lunch. I was texting Beth again, when someone slumped onto the seat next to me. She had bright blue hair, and wore ripped, all black clothes. I met the familiar dark eyes, and recognized her as the girl who watched me in homeroom. She smirked at me. "Yes?" I asked shortly, not in the mood to be polite. She snorted.

"Well, you're nice " She chuckled. "I thought I would come and sit over here."

"Why is that?" I questioned, locking my phone.

"Because, we both share a common interest." She sighed at my blank expression. "We both have no interest in the opposite sex. That, and you are one of the few who don't worship the crowd of no brains over there." She motioned towards the table Nicole was sat at.

I scoffed. I mean, if the girl wanted to sit here, go ahead. I hope she wasn't expecting dazzling conversation. She'd be bitterly disappointed.

"Okay." I said and she looked proud. "What's your name then, blue?"

She snorted. "Blue?"

"Please to God do not make me explain that. Jesus, I though you had a fucking brain, woman."

I groaned and put my head in my hands. Blue laughed.

"Oh no. I was just questioning your choice of nickname. But my actual name is Jenna Parsons." I frowned. Didn't suit her.

"Nah, I'm going to stick with Blue. S'better."

"You do what you want, babes, doesn't bother me." Blue rolled her eyes. I smirked, and spent the rest of the lunch interacting with the mad girl in front of me. Well, as best I could.

See, Joe, you should be proud. It's been three days and I haven't offended her at all. But then again, Blue is pretty hard to offend. She isn't your typical teenage, hormonal girl. She's like me, but in girl form. It's quite comforting actually, to know I'm not going fucking mad. That there is someone out there who doesn't give a shit what shirt Nicole is wearing, or whether the football team won their last game. But then again, I suppose you could call those the happy people.

God, I'm not happy, Joe. I'm so far away from happy. I don't think I ever will be happy, and that's your fault. But I'm still okay. I've always been okay. And to be honest, being okay, is not okay any more. I don't want to be okay. I want to be happy, Joey. And you took that from me. And I fucking hate that I fucking love you. Still. Jesus, Joe, I'm so fucking pathetic, and its all your fault.

So just fuck off you fucking wanker.

"I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone."

I don't want to have to replace you, Joe. I want you to come back and tell me you're the biggest asshole ever. But most of all, I want to know you'll never leave again.

Cole.