Not Quite Sure Yet

Chapter 20

Dear Joey,

Any thoughts I had about me moving on, were completely and utterly incorrect. They were fantasies, encouraged by a infatuation. This pain, this what I will always feel. Forever and Always.

Tuesday was dragging. R and Beth were heading back tomorrow, and both were not looking forward to it. Beth's head was on my shoulder and R's arm around my waist as we stood by my locker, ready to head to lunch. The hallways were ridiculously crowded this time of day, nearly the whole school using lockers, or just chatting.

"Its not the same. Not without you and... You know." Beth moaned, barely even frowning at her near mistake. She was getting better over the weekend. Better at dealing with the fact you're not here. I patted her head, grinning when she shook me off.

"Well I cant just come back now. I can't, Beth. I moved for a reason, sweetheart." I said lightly, determined not to get too deep. God, I will not fucking cry in front of anyone at this school. I will not give them the satisfaction.

"We know," R assured me, "We just don't want to leave you again." I smiled softly at him and nodded. I got him, how he felt, everything. We've always been close, and if anything, introducing Joe to him, made us closer. Made us more determined to tell each other everything. R then changed the subject quickly, something he was always very good at. R had a talent for distracting people, especially Beth. They are so perfect for each other in that way, I don't think I've ever met two people more in love. Well, accept me and Joe maybe.

Blue had joined us by this point, in the midst of my thinking. She too, was upset of the couples departure, but was a lot more sarcastic about it. In fact, I think she would miss having a partner in crime when it came to teasing me about Duke the most. Put her and R together, it was like being friends with the fucking chuckle brothers. I think its cause its the first guy I have shown any interest in since Joey. And that really is how I know R doesn't actually mind. That, and he keeps telling me to fucking move on.

I could feel the blue eyed boy watching me even then, his gaze piercing. We had already exchanged morning pleasantries, but I'm sure he would've come over again if I had been alone. But I wasn't, and Duke got scared. Which is completely fine with me. But Duke tended to make everything that bit more confusing, that bit more difficult to work out. And I know that I'm making this sound way more intense that it actually is, but that's the person I am. I over think and over analyse everything till a simple glance is someone declaring their undying hatred of me. The sad thing is, I am actually a guy. A gay guy, sure, but that doesn't mean I can go all girly and shit. Mom always says I am too poetic for my own good. Says I should go and write down what I say, because some of its gold. The irony.

Suddenly, there was an awful screech. Beth and Blue covered their ears, and R looked pissed. I turned my head towards the noise, and saw Nicole standing on the platform at the end of the hall, holding a microphone and smiling wickedly. Well, that's where the noise was coming from then. However, the Barbie looked a little too smug as she waited for everyone's attention, clearing her throat into the microphone. I looked across the hall and saw Duke looking at her in confusion as well, so I figured it can't of been too big if even the football captain didn't know what was happening.

Nicole tapped the microphone and smiled sweetly as most people turned to face her. "Excuse me." She squeaked into the microphone. Most of the noise died down. "Thank you." Suddenly, a projector flashed to life, and a picture of me was projected onto the screen. I was sat on my motorbike, helmet under my arm and staring directly ahead. R and Beth looked at me questioningly, and I shook my head to let them know I had no fucking idea what's going on. Nicole cleared her throat again and scanned the crowd till she found me, smirking.