Not Quite Sure Yet

Chapter 38

Dear Joey,

People say risks pay off.

"Can you please tell me where we're going?" Duke asked as we mounted my bike, slipping the helmet on. He had gotten better with the whole bike thing, really enjoying it now. He had lost the previous clumsiness, now mounting the bike gracefully and without falling over. I was quite proud.

"Nope." I said, popping the 'p'. I started the engine, smiling at the roar it made. "You'll just have to wait and see." I teased, looking over my shoulder to find Duke pouting like a child.

"Please?" He groaned. I shook my head, chuckling. "Why?"

"Because I don't want to freak you out." I laughed. "Now hold on." I commanded, and felt Dukes arms wrap around my waist, plating with the bottom of my t-shirt. I felt my lips turn up into an affectionate grin before I accelerated forward, speeding out of the drive way.

It only took about forty five minutes of flying over roads to get to where I wanted to go. I felt my stomach twist into knots, and my lips were nearly bleeding as I bit them by the time we got there. About halfway through the ride, Duke had pressed a earphone into my ear, resting his head on my back and using the other. I smiled as he played one of my favourite songs, singing softly under my breath. We had listened through the rest of the journey, me paying special attention to the cars around me. I didn't want to hit anyone because I had music on, that would just be irresponsible.

I gulped as I pulled into the familiar car park, feeling Duke relax against my back, glad we had arrived. I parked and stepped off the bike, carefully helping Duke do the same, butterflies in my stomach. I was terrified.

I cleared my throat, and Duke looked up at me expectantly. "Right. Okay. I'm sorry if you thought this was a date, because it's not."

"Oh thank God." Duke cut in, smiling widely. "I never got the point of those. I already know you enough, I don't need to be taken out on an official date to prove we are something."

I smiled softly at him. To be honest, I never saw the point of dates either. What did they prove exactly? Sure, if you were trying to get to know somebody, but I already know Duke. I know him better than anybody, why should I have to go to some stupid restaurant to prove it?

"I agree." I said softly. "I actually brought you to my old town."

Duke gasped and looked around quickly, as if comparing it to his own. I chuckled through a tight chest, and Duke looked back at me with worry written all over his features.

"Cole," He said quietly. "what's happening exactly?"

I sighed. "I brought you here to, um, well, what I mean is." I took a deep breath. "I thought it was time you met Joey." I finished quietly, watching Dukes face carefully. "If you want to." I added quickly, afraid he would force himself to do something he didn't want to do.

"Of course I want to." He said, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my chest. "If you're sure."

I held him tighter and nodded. "I'm sure." I whispered and felt Duke nodded against my chest.

******

I held Dukes hand as I wove through the the graves, the pattern still permanently engraved in my mind. I stopped at the familiar gravestone, slate grey with the ever present bunch of flowers resting on it.

"Duke," I choked out, chest tightening. "meet Joey."

I knelt down, knowing that if I didn't, I would soon fall to my knees, and I didn't want to look weak. Duke followed in suit, squeezing my hand tighter. I shot him a grateful look. My chest felt like it was going to explode. I missed him. And here he was, in the ground.

"Joey," Duke said softly. "I'm Duke, it's really nice to meet you."

I felt a tear slip down my cheek. Duke was being so amazing, so supportive, and his sweetness was making me cry. How sad is that? I was crying because I was touched.

"I've heard a lot about you." He carried on, resting his head on my shoulder. "And I wanted to thank you. Thank you for making Cole the guy he is today, even if you didn't mean to. Without you, I never would have met him, and you have no idea how ridiculous my life was before him. He's made me so happy, and I hope I've made him a little happier. You told him to move on, Joe, and I hope you approve of me."

I smiled softly, ignoring the steady trail of tears falling. "I think he approves." I whispered. Duke had said the most amazing things, but I had already said all I needed to in my letters. I felt so proud of Duke as he spoke. He was sat here, with his emotionally unstable boyfriend, talking to said boyfriends dead ex.

"Thank you." I muttered to Duke. "You have no idea what this means to me."

He smiled. "I think I do, baby. I really think I do."

********

Walking back to the bike, I hesitated when we stepped out the gate of the cemetery, and Duke looked at me questioningly.

"What?" He asked. "Why have you stopped?"

I took a deep breath. God, this was so out of character. I didn't usually get nervous about this sort of shit. Hell, I don't usually do this sort of shit.

"Duke," I started, rubbing the back of my neck. "I- I, um, Duke I…"

"Cole, calm down." He soothed. "Just say whatever it is you want to say. It's me, Cole."

"Duke, I'm in love with you." I said quickly. "You don't have to say it back just because I did, I don't exp-" I was cut off when a pair of lips pressed onto my own, warm and soft.

I responded and for a few minutes we stood there, just making out. I felt my chest relax, the relief of saying what had been on my mind for a while taking over.

Duke pulled away first, grinning like a idiot. "Of course I'm in love with you!" He said, a little breathless. "I've known it for a while, but with Joey and all, I didn't want to say it in case you freaked out. God, Cole, I love you, I love you, I love you."

I grinned like a mad man, feeling my heart glow. Dukes eyes were bright and shining, a wide smile on his lips, and his cheeks were flushed. Not for the first time, I wondered how anyone so beautiful and pure could ever want to be with me.

On impulse, I lurched forward and reconnected our lips, setting the sparks off again.

Duke grabbed hold of my hair, t-shirt, ass, anything he could really. I cradled his face with my palms, pressing my tongue into Dukes mouth carefully. He groaned and pressed his hips forward, making a small circular motion.

It was too much. The heat of Dukes mouth, the friction, the way his hands glided over my skin. I pulled away, panting. Duke looked at me, disappointed.

"Hotel?" I asked breathless, and he nodded, grinning widely.

"Hotel." He agreed.

Maybe I'm not yours anymore, Joe, but I think you'd like Duke. I really do. And I hope you heard us today, I hope you understand. And for some strange reason, I think you do.

"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”

Cole