Not Quite Sure Yet

Chapter 12

Dear Joey,

It's been a week since that incident with Duke. It shook him up real bad. I mean it was just a kiss, bug obviously hadn't done that before. As for me, it was just a kiss. Technically, I was doing what you told me. You said move on, you could call that moving on. Sure with an unwilling second party, but it was still moving on.

School was the same, expect for I haven't tutored Duke since. Shame, as wasn't bad company. I don't know, he was just different from the rest of his group. Less stuck up maybe, which makes no sense as he is the richest of them all. But until he blew up, he was fairly tolerable. Didn't question me, kept himself to himself. But no, he had to have a fight with Nicole and make things real complicated between us.

Duke hasn't spoke to me since then. That's fine with me, but it sadly means his maths grades is slipping again. Blue is still being, well, Blue, so I suppose that hasn't changed. She was over the moon when I told her about Duke and Nicoles fight (sans the kiss, of course). In fact, her exact words were.

"Thank God, there is trouble in paradise. I was starting to think she had turned him deaf with all her screeching."

You would've liked Blue, Joe. She is kind of like Beth in a way. The abruptness and honestly is exactly the same. Beth still hasn't contacted me. Well, except for one text.

"Sorry, I'm having technical difficulties. Love you, but might be difficult to text for a while."

That's all I got, after days and days. Whatever I suppose. As much as I love her, she can be dippy sometimes, that girl. R is staying in contact though, so that's good. I haven't felt good recently, Joey. I've just felt alone again. Moms worried. She says I'm getting back to how I was after... Well, after you know. Maybe it's the utter nothingness of my life. I don't look forward to anything, I don't dread anything. Is it weird that I used to look forward to Dukes visits? We would joke, and enjoy the silence. The silence now is painful and filled with memories. The nightmares are back. I've taken to not sleeping. It works, Joe.

But, in better news, I have started to play the piano again. You used to love it when I played. I used to love it when I played. But I just got out of the habit. But earlier today, I sat on the bench and let my fingers run over the keys. I lost myself in the music, closing my eyes as my hands remembered the pattern. I played for hours, Joe, and it was amazing. I let myself forget, Joe, and it was the best feeling in ages.

A loud knock snapped me out of my trance. I got up and walked towards the door, after double checking the music room was locked behind me. I saw blond hair through the frosted glass of the door, and my mind immediately jumped to Duke. I doubted myself then, of course, and questioned why he would be here after the incident. I opened the door carefully, firstly noticing the pouring rain. But when I did notice who was standing there, I was taken aback.

Duke stood there, completely drenched through. He was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans, both of which were sticking to him completely. I looked up to find him choking back sob, blue eye watery with tears. Without saying anything, I pulled his shivering body inside, nearly wincing when I felt his hands. They were cold as ice, Joey. Duke stood in the hallway for a few minutes not saying anything. I looked at him, letting my usually hard eyes turn soft.

"Duke." I whispered. I'm not sure why I was whispering, but it seemed appropriate. "What the hell happened?"

Duke took a deep breath and shuddered. Taking me by surprise, he threw his arms around my waist. It took me seconds to wrap my arms around his sobbing body, hoping to God everything would be okay.

"That's the problem with love. You can love who you want, but so can they."

Cole