Not Quite Sure Yet

Chapter 26

Dear Joey,

Soon after the banging stopped, my bedroom door was thrown open. I was lying on my bed at the time, staring at the ceiling. I was shirtless, only wearing sweats, so all my tattoos were on full display to whom ever had entered. I originally assumed it was Mom, so didn't react, keeping my gaze steadily trained on my ceiling. She would get the hint and leave eventually, because talking to a unresponsive, half asleep teenage boy doesn't go well.

As I expected, I felt my bed dip next to me. However, unexpectedly, I caught a whiff of male cologne, or more appropriately, Dukes cologne. I turned my head marginally to look at his concerned expression, brows pulled down over sparkling blue eyes. Why the hell was he here?, I thought. I didn't say that, or anything for that matter. I just carried on staring directly above me, well aware Duke would demand answers. Also extremely aware he wouldn't be getting them.

After a few moments of Duke looking at me, and me looking at the ceiling, the blond boy cleared his throat. "Cole," His voice was raspy and sad. "What happened?"

I didn't react, ignoring he was even there. Because that's what I needed, Joe. I needed to control myself, to not say anything, because it would just hurt him. My words would cut him like a knife, and he didn't need that.

"Cole," He repeated, a little stronger, a little more forcefully. "Cole, what's happened? You're freaking me out here!" Dukes hand grabbed my own. I flinched but didn't remove it, too tired to even try.

"Cole." Duke tried again, sounding desperate. "Say something. Jesus, do you have any idea how worried we were? Me and Jenna have called you so many fucking times, Cole!" His voice broke and I closed my eyes to cover up the tears they contained. Say nothing, say nothing, I chanted to myself.

"Why are you being like this? What's happened?" He whispered, trying to catch my gaze. For the first time since he arrived, I allowed myself to move, turning my head away from him to face the wall next to my bed. Say nothing, Say nothing. He didn't need to be brought down. Say nothing.

Duke shook my arm, his other hand dragging my face to the side. I made sure my eyes felt lifeless, like I wasn't really here. I had to look uninterested, he had to give up and leave. There would be anarchy otherwise.

"You're freaking me out. Has Nicole done something again?" Duke questioned, desperate. Shocked, I shook my head ever so slightly. He thought I would let Nicole affect me like this? Jesus, he obviously thought I was weaker than I am.

Silence filled the air. Duke was still clutching my hand like it was a life line, still had worry in his eyes. I still felt like shit. Still knew I would hurt him.

Eventually, I coughed out. "How did you get in?" My voice was rough and raspy, after not using it all day, and I sounded like fucking death.

"Your Mom." He said, relieved I was talking. "I promised I wouldn't shut up till she let me in." Duke even sounded sort of proud. Weird guy.

I sighed. Stubborn bastard. Even got Mom to cave in.

"Cole." He started, wary. "Please just tell what the fuck is going on? I haven't seen you like this before, it's fucking scary. You look almost... dead." He choked on the last word, voice breaking. I felt bad for scaring him, but I couldn't exactly help it. Not today. I cleared my throat.

"I'm just... having a bad day, Duke." I mumbled.  He needed to know no more, so he should just leave before I fuck up royally.

"A bad day?" He questioned, sounding annoyed. "Cole, why didn't you just glad us that? Or if you can't answer the fucking phone, just text!" Duke had grabbed my shoulders, and I looked down. His hands looked so pale against my skin, the constant tan I have seemed darker because of the tattoos that covered it. His hands were wide and large, not quite as spindily and boney as my own. One of the many things that was different between us. I shrugged.