Wattpad Imagines

Happy Birthday

"Happy Birthday Ashton!" They all shout at me, but I don't truly comprehend what they're saying. Well, at least the happiness they inherit. All that fills me up is an aching in my soul, a dark lifeless hole. I wish it could be filled, but I know that it never will be. She's gone and she isn't coming back, no matter how much I wish she would. It's been a year, an entire year since she left me, the anniversary being my birthday. How fucked up is that? She left me on my birthday and didn't even say goodbye. We got in a fight and she never came back. Oh how I wish she would come back....

"Ashton?" Calum asks, holding a cake. I shake my head, smiling at them as best as I could. I know that they're trying, but it's just so damn hard. The only thoughts that consume my head are of her. I wonder what she's doing right now. Does she miss me as much as I miss her? Does she think about me often if at all? Is she doing well? Is she happy? Did she move on? Does she know how sorry I am? Does she even realize the extent to how much I love her?

All these thoughts make my stomach twist and turn as I look at the lads in front of me. I know that they're worried, but I just need some time. What I'm going through isn't easy to come to terms with. I blow out the candles, them cheering finally before setting down the cake. I know that they're just happy to have finally gotten a reaction out of me. They've gotten over it, but still struggle. I know that they miss her too, but no one could miss her as much as I do.

"I think I'm going to go home guys. Thanks for everything though," I tell them, shaking my head as I grab my jacket. They all frown at me, but I don't pay attention as I leave. The day is too sunny for my liking. It doesn't fit the situation. It should be drowning the world in rain and fucking screaming out it's thunder and lightening. It shouldn't be this happy.

I begin walking home, looking at all the places. I can just see her face, smiling as we danced around the sidewalks. The memories make me a bit teary-eyed, but I'm fine. I'm supposed to be moving on, but today just makes it harder. I just look at everywhere we've been, imagining us together and it's too much. I hurry up the stairs of my building and enter my home, wanting to break down entirely. It's only noon, but that's too much. I just want to sleep the day away. I want to forget. I walk in to my room, discarding my jacket and shoes before plopping onto the bed. My head sinks in to my pillow and a scent fills my nostrils that I haven't smelled in so long, her scent. That wonderful mix of cigarettes and roses. That's all it takes to make me lose myself and just cry until I'm asleep.

~

Waking up, her scent still engulfs me, stronger now though. I wipe the sleep out of my eyes, looking at the time only to find that it's one in the afternoon and storming outside. I've been asleep for only an hour. What kind of twisted dream is this? I hear the thunder crack outside and notice the wind moving my window. I go to close it, liking the fact that my papers aren't getting moved around now. I sit down, picking up which of my items that have been scattered. They're all in the wrong order now and I feel like breaking down again as I put them together again, looking at the most recently written page.

"The eyes that could cure a damaged heart stared at him," it reads at the top. The memories that the page bring back are good, something that I want to remember again, but it hurts knowing that we will never have that again. I continue writing though, needing that sense that she's still around somehow even though she isn't. She lives far away, that I'm positive of. I scribble down the words, reminding myself of the day she was there for me when the girl it had been with left me, calling me hung up on my ex and in all honesty, I was. I was always hung up on her and when she came to comfort me it proved that so much more. I just wish she could comfort me again.

Thunder cracks, making my place rumble a bit as the window opens. I hold down the papers, stacking them under a binder so I can go and close the window again. The moment my head turns though a flash of lightning is seen and I see the most beautiful sight in front of me. There she is, the window curtain shielding her. She's dressed in white from head to toe, her brown hair falling down her shoulders as she stares down. She slowly looks up at me through her long lashes, smiling a bit at the sight of me. We just stare at each other, my breathing becoming heavier.

"Ash," she mutters, her angelic voice making me crumble again.

"You're here?" I question is disbelief.

"Yeah. I couldn't miss your birthday. Not again at least. Happy birthday baby," she tells me, closing the distance between us and taking me in to a hug. To say I'm baffled is an understatement, but I don't care anymore. The fact that she's here, actually in my arms and breathing, alive and well is enough for me. My arms wrap tighter around her, never wanting to let her go, afraid she'll disappear again.

"How? Why? What?" I ask her, stuttering a bit, but in total shock. She just presses her lips to mine this sensation I've missed so much filling me again.

"Let's not think about that right now. Let's just focus on the fact that I'm here for now," she says, smiling at me once she pulls away. I nod, wrapping my arms around her again. She just laughs, "you're suffocating me." I laugh a bit too, pulling away to take in her features. She doesn't look sick, she looks angelic to me.

"I've missed you so much," I tell her and she looks a bit pained.

"I've missed you too. Ash, you've got to know I can't stay," she tells me. I frown at her words, not comprehending.

"I have til midnight then you'll probably never see me again, but I'll always be with you," she tells me. I nod, finding it unfair, but thankful for the time that I have with her and I'm going to make it count. I feel complete again and I'm not going to waste that.

"You've got to know that I'm sorry for that night. I didn't mean to scream at you. It's been so long that I can't even remember what we were fighting about and you just walked away and there was a car and-" I choke out, remembering the day like it was five minutes ago. The screeching tires, the thump, the shattering glass. It's forever etched to my soul.

"It's okay. Everything happens for a reason. We were born to die. My day just came sooner and you shouldn't blame yourself," she tells me.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye to you. You were gone when I got to you and-" I try again, but it's too much. I hold her in my arms again, not wanting to let her go.

"It's okay. Let's not waste our time together now," she tells me and I nod, knowing that it's limited. I do everything I can to make our time together this day everlasting.

I wake up the next morning with a smile on my face, turning to reach for her. The disappoint that normally would've filled me is gone. I got my proper goodbye. I don't have to sit here wondering what she's doing anymore or if she misses me because now I know. I also know that she's waiting for me. I don't feel empty anymore and I don't have to move on. I can relive the memories with a smile on my face now instead of a tear stained frown. Seeing her last night gave me the closure I needed. It was the best thing I could've asked for. I feel like I can do something with my life now. Whether or not last night was real, that's a whole other story. All I know is that it feels real in my heart and I'll continue to believe it.

I get out of bed, dressing myself and smiling at a photo of what used to be. I know that I'll have it again some day. I eat a little bit of whatever I have lying around and head out. I make my way back over to Calum's, knocking on the door. I need to apologize to him and the lads and they'll be thrilled. Everything will go back to normal. Everything will be okay, knowing that I'll see her again and she loves me.