My Journal

July 10, 2014

I don't know what to do anymore. Like seriously. Guys, help. No one messages me anymore on any social network including here on wattpad. I've gotten bored with the stories here on wattpad. I feel like I've read all the good ones considering I've been on here since I was twelve and I will be fifteen in less than seven days.

I used to be constantly messaging people and if I'm out of wifi for nore than ten minutes my phone explodes as soon as I connect to wifi again. I'm so confused like I think I matured a little and I got boring? I'm not sure. Or maybe everyone is too busy. Or they don't like me happy? That doesn't make any sense whatsoever but I can't think of anything else unless I'm a total ass without even realizing it? Please tell me if I'm an ass!

To be honest I want to know everyones opinions on me. Whether its good or bad. I really want to know so I can improve myself.

I hate when I get like this. I just get all self conscious and want to know what snnoyd everyone about me so I can stop and be less annoying. It doesn't solve anything but I can't help it.

So um, can you guys do me a favor and message me or something? I guess I'm lonely? I don't even know. It just makes me sad when I have nothing to do and yet I hold the internet in my hands. I don't like not having anything to do. All I've been doing lately is going on minecraft even though I don't even wanna play because there's nothing to do. Im bored with all my stories that I've started. I don't think I can sit still long enough for drawing anything and I hate that I have to have a reference.

I really want my best friend. I just want to go back to Utah. Go back to my old life. I can't even put into words how much I hate my mom right now. Yeah, I've made some awesome friends moving in with my dad here in California but I had to leave everything. I literally don't even have all my possesions and all four my awesome cats that I grew up with are sitting in a pound along with a really awesome puppy that my step dad should have never brought home because all that happened to that puppy was get under weight, cause tension between all the people and animals I originally had, and get shoved in a pound and being taken care of better there.

I know I complain about this a lot. I complain a lot in general. But I mean, you would too if you were transgender, had serious mental issues, you were in the process of self destruction in many many ways, and had no one to talk to until recently.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful for being able to move in with my dad and be able to start new. I have a lot of reslly awesome friends and I can be Aryn instead of the lie of a person I was before. I have people who are supportive and helpful and I have people who can take care of me the way I need to be taken care of.

I love my family and the people who surround me but I need to vent about all my shit sometimes. Like dysphoria and my mom and everything that bugs me, including myself because we all know how much I hate myself.

I guess this is the end of this entry. I love you guys, even you silent readers who only read this because you're curious I guess.

Comment how your day is going and requests for my next entry. I'll talk about anything. Even like surgery or like how to pass better or bathrooms. I'm also willing to talk about things for mtf's if any of you ladies read this. Probably not many of you but I can try to talk about that stuff. I don't know a whole lot but I do know some things I guess.

Anyway, goodnight guys.