shadow // jack avery

forty

i sat beside him for the seventy two hours he's been unconscious, i'm scared to leave his side. after the gunshot, the attacker fled, coward. he knows he will be dead soon, brax is on the case now. 

the bullet hit jack straight above his heart, leaving him in critical condition up until two hours ago. it is four am and nothing will take me away from his side. i put him here, being associated with me kills people. 

the doctors don't know if he'll survive or not, and that chance is because of me. i was selfish enough to bring jack into my life without considering the consequences for him. three days and i haven't heard jack's voice, and it's destroying me. 

yesterday was the most progress we've had since he was admitted. i had left to get changed, and when my hand left his, the heart monitor started going crazy. his heart was beating faster than ever before and it scared everyone in the medical room. 

the why don't we boys are here everyday, but carlos has been making sure they get sleep. the amount of times he's tried to get me to come home for the night is unbelievable. i keep my head down when i'm with jack, rubbing my fingers over his rings and watching his lifeless hands hang in mine. 

i wanted to shake him awake, play his music to see if he would wake up, but there's no use. i don't want to accept a life without him, it would be empty, irrelevant. when it's this early, nobody is here. 

it's a ghost town except for jack's surgeon who has agreed to watch jack for me. i have to immensely thank the surgeon, if he had not been here, jack would've died. last night, brax drove down with hundreds of the gang, picking up carlos on the way.

they've gone to find the man who did this, put him out of his fear of brax. i was sitting alone, in the same position since we got here, when the surgeon walked in looking tired. he pulled a chair beside me and my attention was drawn to something he was holding in his hand. 

it was a bullet, the surgeon was reading something on it with a confused look in his eye. he showed it to me, not making a sound and i read it aloud softly. 

'if i can't have ivy, i'll have to take someone else you love' 

they were never targeting ivy, they were targeting me all along. i asked him politely to make the bullet ready for brax's inspection, before telling him to go home. he needed rest, he had been here as long as i had. 

he thanked me, before leaving. jack and i were the only ones in the medical center, upstairs was the warehouse, which consisted of the night workers. i had them on call, but didn't think i needed it. 

i was not to contact brax until ten am unless it was an emergency, and that either means jack has woken up, or died. i didn't want to call him, it would mean bad news, or good. both would change my life. 

i had time to think, do i really want to risk jack's life again? no, he doesn't deserve it. he has his whole career ahead of him, and this is holding him back. but i can't fall into this place again, i love jack. 

although if i loved him, i would let him go. he would become the biggest star and have millions of people screaming his name. he would be able to make music with his best friends everyday without me as a distraction. 

he could tour the world without worrying about his life. i wouldn't stop caring for him constantly. i could sit there for hours wondering what song he was singing to his new girl. but i love him, and that's what i have to do. 

i exhaled. i was about to leave, for good, when jack's monitor was acting up again. within minutes, six doctors were crowding him. i couldn't see beyond their bodies, but there was yelling, screaming. 

then the words i dreaded were echoed through the room,

'we're losing him'

i looked around, somewhere to hide from reality. i tried to get away from the moment, wanted to forget that i heard those words. i ran out the door, running into daniel in the hall. he looked distressed, as well as the four others behind him.

they got up unexpectedly, holding me close while i sobbed into each of their arms. they did not know why i ran out of there, and i couldn't bring myself to relive the words. but i had to, these are his bandmates, best friends, brothers. 

l- his heart rate increased, dramatically, and then i heard no beeping, just a constant noise, ringing in my ears. the doctors wouldn't let me see what they were doing, but i knew i had to leave when they said they were losing him. 

all their eyes got glossy, imagining the life without jack. my tears couldn't be held back anymore, i hadn't felt anything since jack was shot, and now i do. i feel pain, more pain then ever before. why did i say i would let jack go? i can't, he changed me. 

corbyn wiped away his tears, embracing me closely as i laid my head on his chest. jonah stood next to us, trying to process what just came out of my mouth. we were all in silence, we were the only ones in the waiting room, until brax and carlos burst in. 

b- it's done

i shook my head, crying as i ran into my older brother's arms. i didn't care if the other guy was dead, i wanted jack to be alive. i wanted to be crying in his arms right now. 

c- hey, it's okay. these doctors work miracles remember?

i brushed my hair out of my face with his finger, smiling as much as he could, despite the situation. i turned back to see the boys waiting for me, and that's what we did, waiting for the news that could impact our lives forever; for better or worse.