The Boy in the Rain//Klance

41. Lance

Trigger warning: I'm sorry, for any of you that may have/has suicidal thoughts you might not want to read this chapter. if you want you can skip ahead and at the end of the chapter I'll give you a summary. Okay? I'm sorry for this chapter and I'm sorry if this hurts you because that makes me really sad and ugh I'm rambling again. Well~ read or skip, do what you need t do.

Hopefully he didn't catch on.

That I wasn't going to live on.

I'm not going to go to a college, I'm not going to get an apartment, I'm not going to get married, I'm not going to have children, and I'm definitely not going to live on.

But he didn't have to know that just yet.

When the time comes.

When you're finally not a pussy and you just do it. Then he'll figure it out.

"Lance?" I feel a chill run down my spine. I feel like he can read my mind sometimes. "I really care about you." Keith says softly, so soft I almost don't hear it. But I do.

I look away from his face. I can't stand looking at him for too long because I just end up wanting more and more from him. That's selfish though. I can't be selfish. So I just apologize, "I'm sorry for that Keith..." I trail off.

Instead of him reassuring me that there's no reason for me to be sorry. There's only silence. I look at Keith's pale face in the moonlight.

He fell asleep.

I sigh and stand up. I don't give myself one last look at Keith, because I know if I saw his Face I'd stop myself from doing what I'm about to do.

I walk out of the bedroom silently and cross the hall to the bathroom.

After locking the door I reach into my pocket and find the only thing I was able to get from that last night at my house. I feel the sharp metal in my fingers. I bite my lip as I bring it towards my left arm.

I cross the blade horizontally multiple times. I groan under my breath and bite my tongue, my lip, even my cheeks. Anything to keep me from crying out.

I quickly get toilet paper and roll it around my arms many times. I pat down softly to keep the toilet paper there but it also makes me wince in pain.

My eyes slowly close and I can feel the need for sleep washing over me.

I lazily walk out of the bathroom with my eyes half closed. I wander through the hall to the room. I fall onto the bed and let sleep overtake me.

In my dream I'm sitting on a small wooden chair. There's a spotlight above me, it's so bright. I can only see the shadows of people forming a circle around me. They laugh and point. The judge and bully me. Everyone is moving in circles around the chair, so fast. I try to stand up and reach out but someone kicks me back down onto my chair. I look down at my arms that are suddenly tied to the arm rests of the wooden chair.

It's okay. Not like I was going to try and get up ever again.

I wake up to the smell of pancakes and Keith's strawberry shampoo, sure enough, next to me Keith lay with his hair spread out all across my chest. I'm pretty sure he was drooling.

I smile softly and nudge him slightly.

"Wakey wakey sleeping beauty." I tease him. He groans and yawns. After stretching I get out of bed and Keith follows me downstairs. The table is set with pancakes. I can feel my mouth watering.

Keith sits down at a chair and I sit next to him. Shiro sits across from us. When he sees us sit down he looks between us, smiles, then thanks his mother for breakfast and leaves the table.

Then, Acxa sits in his place. She eyes us, "You two were up late last night." Anxiety swells as I think she might've heard me in the bathroom.

"Chill. I know Aiko found out so there's no reason for me to snitch." Acxa looks at me and gestures for me to calm down. Keith just starts eating his pancakes.

I look down at my plate. They're chocolate chip. I was excited to eat but now I think I'll just skip breakfast. "I'm not hungry. I'm going to go shower okay?" I say to Keith and put a hand on his shoulder as I stand up.

He nods and watches as I walk back up the stairs and walk towards the bathroom.

I run into what feels like a massive wall.

"Ow. Shit."

I try to move backwards from the person I ran into and almost trip. The person grabs my wrist to steady me and I bite my lip as I wince in pain.

"I'm sorry!" The person releases their grip immediately. I look up to see that person is; Shiro.

"I didn't mean to hurt you I just didn't want you to fall. Are you okay?" Worry plainly obvious on his face. I smile at him and wave it off, "I'm fine thank you.".

I feel his stare hot on my back as I walk into the bathroom. I lock the door.

I look around and see the shower, luckily it doesn't look as confusing as some people's showers. There's two knobs, one with an "H" and the other a "C". I push them both so I'll get a nice warm medium. The water starts running as I slip off my clothes. It's getting easier to slip of them...they're getting big. Or I'm just getting small.

I look at myself in the mirror.

I can count my ribs on on my ribcage, they poke out so sharply. Eyebags are dark around my once happy blue eyes. Even my eyes have darkened more than usual. Then my arms...they were so skinny and brittle. After adding the cuts to them they're just disgusting to look at.

I feel bile raise in my throat as I look at my stomach, my hips and my thighs. My thighs have grown small but they're still ugly and fat to me. I thought this would help me? They said it would help me.

I look away from the mirror one last time and step into the shower. It was cold.

Hey hey hey~~ so it's summer for me and I have absolutely nothing to do. Whoops. I feel like..now that's it's summer and I don't see my friends every day from school they don't text or talk to me on their own. Nobody texts me unless I text first? I know I'm rlly clingy and it's probably reeeaaaally annoying but it also just makes me upset that if my friends aren't forced to see me at school everyday then they won't TRY to see me.

Ughhhhh

Well anyway I hope you all are feeling better than I am. Have a good day/night and keeeeeep shipping klance. Cuz as long as we pray maybe it'll happen 😂

Also this chapter was weirdly easy to write? I thought since it hit close to home it would hurt more when I try to write but it didn't. It's odd.

Anyway here's the summary:

Lance cut himself for the first time once Keith went to sleep. In the morning he didn't eat breakfast, ran into Shiro then took a shower after hating himself in the mirror.

Sorry and have a good day.