The Boy in the Rain//Klance

43. Lance

Trigger warning!! Cutting and body shaming. Please do not read if this will hurt you or trigger anything! I'm sorry I didn't put one on this chapter before! Skip if you need to!!!

I use my time in the shower to think.

Mama is in the house alone with my dad and the kids. I cant believe she wanted the kids with her. Chloe, Luis and Marco need to be protected and the best way for that to happen is for them to be with someone safe. She can't actually believe that she could protect them from our dad right? I love Mama but she's so small and fragile, she cant fight my father. She wouldn't make it.

I scrub myself with soap. The water is warm on my skin and I can feel my body calming down.

Seeing myself naked makes me think of Allura. One of the only people who have seen me naked. Allura, my girlfriend. Keith said she's toxic but she also offered me to move in with her and Coran. Did Keith just not want me to go to her house?

I think of Allura. I don't deserve her. She's sweet and caring, always there to kiss me. She's given me popularity, friends and even a bit of confidence. She's given me so much, i feel guilty to stay with her and not give anything back. I think of Keith. I don't deserve him either. Hes's caring and protective. He's given me a place to stay, a friend group, and a friendship I know I can trust. I know I love him. It's hard to admit it, even if its just in my head. I love him so much it hurts.

Every time I see him my heart swells in happiness. Then my thoughts come back and crush my heart into tiny pieces. I love everything about him. I think he might like me too. That must sound like a dream; Your crush liking you back. No, this is my worst nightmare. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve his love. He deserves to be with someone great, someone better than me.

I feel bad for leaving Hunk last night. We were having fun, baking muffins in his kitchen with his mom. When I'm with Hunk its like I don't feel bad at all, like I really am this outer shell of outgoing, happy, obnoxious, flirtatious, goofball. I'm nothing like that really. In reality Id love nothing more than to be quiet every now and then. To not need to hangout with friends. To not have to always reply to people. To not be expected to make everyone feel better.

I wish I was like Keith. No one expects any kindness from him, so when he shows it everyone appreciates it and gives him all the attention. I know that Keith really is kind though. He's a good person.

The warm water stings my arm. My fresh cuts may have stopped bleeding but they haven't stopped stinging. I bite my lip and wince. The water is too much right now. How did I not notice the stinging water before? I turn off the water. I shake off my body and reach for the nearest towel I see. I wrap it around my waist and pick up my clothes. I'm just going to run into Keith's room and then change. That's all that will happen. I grab the doorknob and I'm about to open the door when I see my arms.

Forget about me yet?

Why? Why now? I feel like sobbing just because he's back.

Go ahead, carve some more. You did it last night. But it was weak, I know you can do more.

The voice shifts, it's not my father anymore. No, its soft and soothing. Warm and reassuring. Loving and fond. Mama.

Go ahead Mijo. It'll make you feel better.

When my own mother tells me that I feel like I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to.

I pick the razor blade out of my jeans pocket and flip it between my fingers. The blade is sharp and cold. It already scratches at my fingers. How could a cold blade feel so nice? I move the blade to my arm, the tan skin already has a couple cuts. They haven't completely healed from last night, I search around the cupboards for bandages. If I'm going to do this then I at least want to wrap it right. I'll just put my jacket on.

Aha. Found them.

I grab the roll of white bandages and unravel them. I out them onto the sink and lean against the wall. It's time. I bring the blade to my arm, lower it and- I shudder out a low breath when the pain seers through from my arm to my head. I feel dizzy. Looking down I see the red line I've made. Red is such a pretty color. I like red.

I bring my hand across again and form another beautiful line.

I almost scream out at the pain. I bite my lip hard, to keep quiet. I throw my razor into the sink and grab the bandages. I wrap carefully around my arm. It stings and hurts to bad. I feel tears start to prickle in my eyes. I go to The sink and run cold water. I pick up the razor and wash it off. I shudder at such the familiar feeling it has in between my fingers.

"Lance?" I tense the sound of someone calling my name through the door. I breathe deeply, "Yes?" I slip on my jeans and then my shirt. Lastly grabbing my jacket and carefully maneuvering my arms through the arm holes without getting hurt. It stings anyway and the initial pain of being cut still hasn't gone away. "Are you going to be out soon?" The voice asks. I grab the door knob to steady myself. Then I breathe deeply and open the door. I step out to see Keith standing there, rocking back and forth on his heels.

I know what I want to do, "Keith! Can you drive me to Danny's apartment?" I look directly into his eyes and I see him think about it. "Yeah, how about we get ready, go out for lunch then go to his apartment?" Keith offers and I nod thankfully, my wet hair swishes and droplets fall onto the floor. Keith blushes slightly but brings his hand through my hair. I smile at him but it hurts. God why does he do this to me.

It feel like my chest is being crushed by a boulder. Like my rib cage is barely protecting my heart from the giant crushing weight of loving Keith. I wonder whats the best choice: Push the boulder away or let myself get crushed?

Hey! Sorry its been so long since i updated! This story will be coming to an end soon, I will miss it but hopefully it will end on a good note and hopefully everyone who is enjoying and reading "The Boy in the Rain" will come and read the second book. Yup a second book is confirmed!!! Well hope you enjoyed reading and thank you for reading. Bye bye~~