Then I called Joey to get me. All I wanted is to hide myself in my bed. Just lay down and not get out again. Never.
*(still) Liz' POV*
When I stepped through the door, I walked straight up to Billie and hugged him. I didn't want to let go.
"How did it go?" he asked me, putting his hand over my shoulder.
"I feel like the impersonation of death." I answered. "This woman - she's so nice and she seems so fucking understanding. And I kinda told her everything. And I feel like digging a hole, get in there and never leave." I mumbled and let go of him. Tomorrow was the funeral. She'd be buried at the same cemetery my parents are.
"Don't say something like that. What would I be doing all the time with just Jake and Joey around?"
"Lock yourself with Aide in the bedroom." I replied, looking at him. He actually burst out laughing. I too had to smile.
"How 'bout we take the whole family to the music room and do some jamming?" he proposed. I agreed. Billie went to get Adie while I called for Jake and Joey;
"Hey lil' fuckers. How 'bout doing something productive and get into the music room?!" Two 'are-you-kidding-me?'-looks met me. I just went up the stairs and got my guitar. Jake and Joey entered the music room after me.
"Ready?" Billie asked with a guitar in his hand. They put their thumbs up. Everyone except of Joey went up to a microphone.
We played for a long time. Then, some when at 1 a.m. we all decided to get to sleep. The funeral was the next day. I laid down, but couldn't fall to sleep for a long time. As the room was getting lighter, I finally was able to close my eyes for like four hours. I felt like a zombie when Mike poured a glass of water over my stomach.
"Fuck you." I muttered and gestured him to get out while I got dressed. When I walked into the kitchen in my black dress Tory gave me last year, a lot of people met me. Nearly all of the men were in black suits and black ties, the woman in black skirts or dresses. And it was raining. It remembered me of a song from Ed Sheeran;
"Things were all good yesterday
Then the devil took your breath away
Now we're left here in the pain
Black suit black tie standing in the rain"
They greeted me, pulling me into hugs and saying they're sorry.
I kept myself near Tre. All of these people, friends, were driving me crazing. The dress was driving me crazy, her death was driving me crazy, the sadness was driving me crazy. I felt another panic attack coming up. The room started to get smaller, the voices of people talking louder and I had struggles breathing. I left the room, Tre following me.
I stood on the porch, looking towards the sky, hearing the rain pour down. I light up another cigarette. Tre stood behind me.
"I'm having the last few days suddenly panic attacks. I don't know why, but when I do, I can't breathe and the room seems to get smaller and I feel like getting insane! The last time I had these was when Nate - well, y'know!" I said, inhaling a lot of smoke. Tre put an arm around me.
"Don't blame yourself for these attacks. It's normal - a lot of people have panic attacks." he calmed me down. "C'mon, let's get back inside. I heard you have Orange Mocca Frappuchinos." His last sentence made me smile.
Abbey and the others came up to me.
"Sorry I didn't answer your messages. I-"
"We know you're having more important things to worried about." Emma said, hugging me.
