Chaos • TW [2]

[37]

...

Rose wasn't sure how to feel. Everything was over, the storm has calmed, and the chaos turned over to peace. But Rose didn't feel like that at all. There was still a storm brewing inside of her that she couldn't comprehend.

Rose's grip on the railing tightened as she tried to steady her breathe. She didn't want to focus on this darkness, but it was difficult when it was coursing through her veins, feeling stronger by the second. She needed to capture her breathe, and find awareness in herself. But all that she felt was chaos. Rose had locked herself away at the loft. She didn't want to be near anyone, but more importantly she didn't want anyone to be near her. She was afraid of what she was becoming.

The sun was shining, but Rose couldn't feel the heat that it radiated. 

It's only been a week, yet the pain she has isn't going away. It's like a swollen bruise, only getting worse every time something would hit at it. It was pure torture.

There were countless missed calls and messages on her phone from her friends, but she refused to reach out. She couldn't possibly answer the "are you okay?" texts when she truly couldn't say she was until she figured out what was wrong with her. And she didn't know when that would be.

Rose didn't think that she would ever fully recover from what had happened, what she had seen, what she couldn't stop. It was destroying her.

The gentle opening of the door on the balcony was enough to cease the tangled web of thoughts Rose had.

Rose didn't bother to turn her head to see who was coming, she already knew the answer.

Derek walked up to reach her and stood beside her as they both looked out at Beacon Hills.

"How are you?" He finally asked, trying to rid the silence.

"I'm okay...I guess. You?" Rose answered, sounding unconvincing.

"About the same."

Again the silence crawled back to them.

"Aiden wouldn't want you to grieve this long, Rose." Derek sighed, knowingly tugging on a heart string of hers.

"What do you mean? It's only been-"

"It's been a week," Derek stated quickly.

"Oh."

"I know it's hard-"

"No Derek, you don't know," Rose interrupted turning to face him and immediately losing her temper.

This was the first time Derek had seen his sister face to face all this week. The bags under her eyes have only gotten darker as her eyes themselves were bloodshot. His heart broke at the sight of his sister. Everything was over, yet she was far from done fighting.

"I lost Aiden and Allison." Rose continued by yelling, "Both times, I stood there helplessly while I watched them die. I could've done something. I could've saved them. But instead I watched a member of my pack die."

"Rose, we lost our entire family in a fire. I've lost countless members of my pack. I thought I almost lost you." Derek argued back, "So I do know how hard it is. And if we both learned anything from that it's that we cannot blame ourselves. Rose, you can't protect everyone and the sooner you accept that the better."