It's been three years since Dennise drowned.
I'm currently standing on the same place where she took me to watch the sunrise with her for the first time when we were kids - unlike the last two death anniversaries that passed, I finally had the courage to come here today.
Hindi talaga ako bumabalik dito kapag anniversary ng pagkawala niya because it's painful, and I'm glad my family and her family understands.
It was painful to think that I lost my best friend on the same place where I met her. I lost my first love on the day that I wanted to confess my feelings for her. I lost her and I lost myself on that day, too.
But now, for the first time after years, I'd like to spend some time alone at nakatingin lang sa dagat - waiting for the sun to rise because it's what she wants me to do.
"Watch the sunrise tomorrow, part of me will be there with you."
That's what Dennise said when I dreamed about her last night, she talked to me in my dreams again for the first time after a very long time. Kaya andito ako ngayon, on our special spot, patiently waiting.
She told me long ago to be happy and totally move on with my life, and I know what she meant by move on - learn to love again.
"I'm here, Den," I whispered as I stare at the open sea, "Where are you?"
I tried my best to move on, kahit mahirap at nakakatakot but my willingness to move forward with my life grew stronger as the years go by - and I think I'm almost there.
Alam kong kailangan kong bitawan ang nakaraan, hindi ko kailangan kalimutan si Dennise but I've accepted things and looked forward to a future na hindi na siya kasama.
I reached for my old phone inside my pocket. I want to read Denden's last text message again - before deleting it for real this time - as a part of accepting things and finally moved on.
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[ From: Denden ]
Ps. Whatever happens today, always remember na mahal na mahal kita, Alyssa. <3
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It was like she knew that she won't have the chance to say it personally. It still stings my heart but the happiness of knowing she loved me too soothes the pain.
"You will always have a part in my heart, Dennise," my voice cracked at the end.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I pressed the delete button. I opened my eyes and her text message was gone.
My grip tightened as a lone tear escaped my eye. Then an idea comes into my mind as I stare at the calm water in front of me.
I want to submerge myself to the sea.
This is where Dennise lost her life, this is where she was last seen alive - gusto ko lang maramdaman na parang niyayakap ako ng dagat, na parang niyayakap ako ni Dennise.
I took off my shoes and walked slowly papunta sa dagat. The water wasn't cold as I expected, I closed my eyes as the water reached above my chest.
"Dennise, if you're here like you said, yakapin mo nga ako," I joked, with a slight smirk on my face.
I took a long breath before totally submerging my whole body into the calm sea.
I am a swimmer like Dennise, I can hold my breath longer than other people so I stayed underwater for more than a minute nang may biglang humila sa katawan ko back to the surface.
