Wrong Number - Prinxiety

April 16th, 11:54 pm

April 16th, 11:54 pm

Hey

Um...

Idk if you're up right now, or asleep, or reading these as I send them, or... anything.

If you're there, then respond now if you want.

No?

Ok.

Well, it's been rough the past couple weeks since I fucked things up between us. I realize now that I can't expect you to give forever when I'm not exactly giving back.

I also realize that I might not get you back. As a friend, or... whatever we would be now.

But, I at least wanted to say what I wanted to say before I'll leave you alone, as you so clearly want.

Today marks six months since we talked for the first time.

Isn't that a little crazy?

After only six months of talking to someone I didn't think I'd ever know in real life, I made a best friend in someone who's really amazing, and more than I could ever imagine deserving.

I'm scared, because you've seen parts of me that I've never dared show anyone else, and the fact that you... might meet me irl and see everything that came attached.... I couldn't do it.

Tell you who I am I mean

I didn't think about what that was doing to you, though.

I'm sorry.

It seems like I should say more than that, but that's all I really can say.

I'm sorry. For everything.

I won't go on a long tangent or anything because hey, you lived through it too.

But, i also wanted to tell you why I thought you wouldn't like me.

You see, you're all popular and stuff. So you're friends with a lot of people. All of your friends... kinda hate me? They're not all that secretive about it, I'm reminded all the time.

I was worried that you might feel the same way, or that I'd be putting you in the middle, or... idk it's all stupid.

I'm stupid. Even though people call you stupid, you're not.

You understand things that I don't, like how to be a good friend. That's way more important than math or chemistry, in my opinion.

All you've ever done was trust me, even though I gave you no reason to. You rarely asked for anything from me, but when you did, I ran.

I disappeared and hid.

After not having you in my life this past month, I've decided I don't want to hide anymore.

I realize that I've ruined our relationship, and I'm really really sorry. You have no idea how many nights I've gone to bed feeling sick over it, and I'm sure I'll regret it for a long time.

I've lost an amazing, talented, kind, emotional, brave, strong, resilient, generous, open, sweet, loving, awesome friend.

I'm so sorry.

You always put your heart on the line for me, and I'm going to put mine out now, because I might not get another chance.

I love you.

I had to say it at least once. So you knew.

I love you, Roman. So much.

I know this whole rant/letter of mine is all over the place and doesn't make much sense and I really should have drafted it in notes first, but I think I said everything I wanted to say.

So... thanks for reading, I guess. If you even do decide to ever read this.

Sorry for spamming you.

Love, Virgil