The Mystical Awards 2.0 July Reviews

Teen Fiction : Syncope

Book name: Syncope

Genre: Teen Fiction

Contestant name: im_dimpi

Judge Name: MusicReader92

Cover: 0.65/1

I like the effect you are going for with the cover, with the greyscale. I also really like the picture, but if you look close enough it is a stock picture and says where you got it from on it. Also, the font needs to be bigger, more eye catching. Personally, I would have put it in a cursive font below her right shoulder (looking at it) big enough where it went from her braid to the end of the cover. The title just doesn't catch the eye, and I probably wouldn't pick it up in a bookstore.

Title: 0.9/1

The title definitely fits the subject of the book, and it was what got me excited to read it. I actually have syncope, and not many people know about it so it was cool to see that you are bringing light to it with your story. A lot of people don't know what syncope means, so I feel like you need some sort of subtitle to clarify. Or, you could change the picture to someone who fainted so the correlation is there.

Description: 0.7/1

The description is filled with a ton of emotion. But, I feel like it needs to be more descriptive, especially since your topic of syncope is not very well know. You can still keep what you have, just add like a small paragraph after where you introduce the characters and describe what syncope is, and who has it.

Beginning: 1.25/2

The first thing I noticed when reading your book was the sentence structure and the grammar. First off, pick a tense. Is it present tense or past tense? Be careful to make sure you aren't mixing the two up. Next, remember that commas are your friend. Use them! Lots of your sentences feel super long, and using commas will definitely help with that. Third, be careful what you start your sentences with. Don't always start them with "she" or "her." You could mix up some of the sentences so they don't always start with that. For example, you wrote "She was walking in my direction, and I kept walking in hers." Instead, you could write, "In awe, I watched as she walked in my direction, my feet still guiding me towards her." That sentence just flows a little better, and isn't so repetitious. The last thing I am going to say regarding grammar is the flow. I feel like the sentences really don't flow well within themselves. If you're not quite sure what I mean by that, have someone else help you edit it. This is usually what my drafts look like, the bare minimum laid out, not always making sense. It just needs a little bit more editing, I believe. So, onto the actually storyline. I actually really like the idea of the main character having syncope. I have syncope, and I feel like many people do not even know what it is, so you chose a good non-cliche topic. I feel like the love story is a bit cliche though. Her friend saying that she needs a man, because no, she doesn't. She just needs love, and whether it comes from a man or woman, whether as a friend or not, it shouldn't make a difference. I'm not much of a fan of love at first sight, as I don't believe in it and it is very cliche to me. I think you should have let him develop his feelings for her over time, not just flat out saying right away that that was the day he met the love of his life. Also, I'm a little confused about the celebrity part, is she a celebrity? Or is she just popular? I really like the over plot line of this story, the romance just needs a bit more realism to it.

Total: 3.5/5