Chasing Memories

chapter 1: part 2

I woke up, the tears stream down my face, My eyes felt as though they had began to swell. I hate these dreams, the flashback of my childhood. I can't remember everything but the dreams are beginning to repair my memory. The pain is becoming unbearable as I peel back these unfortunate events that led me to who I am. I promised myself years ago I would never be hurt, I would never let myself love, I didn't need anyone expect for my brother Damon. The only man I will ever let In my life, I will not become my mother.
I slip out of bed, and walk to the bathroom. I need to get ready I have a interview with a huge company looking for an experienced accountant. I put my hand on the edge of the sink and look in the mirror, I see my own sadness reflected in my eyes. I don't recognize myself, I never have. My face is pretty so I get reminded, I hear the comments of strangers every where I go how they wish they looked like me, girls stare and say I am so pretty. They don't know the torture I feel in my body, the permanent scars my clothes hide. I am not pretty, I am not beautiful, I am none of those things.
  The tears still pore down my cheeks and I am lost standing in the mirror. I began to question why do I try, what will they even see in me. I try to fight myself, I try to conquer these demons that leave questions repeatedly in my head. This is a fight I will not win so why try to fight. I slowly splash water in my face as a way to expel myself from my own internal torment. I brush my teeth and slip on a grey pencil skirt with a white silk blouse. My hair falls to the middle of my back and curls at the end. I look in the mirror one last time before I grab my purse to catch a cab. I look... presentable. I step from my building and I see the local drug dealer at the end of my apartment steps, he lives across the hall from me and a old Mexican lady lives beside me. She is wonderful surrounded by thugs, she is the light of this building. She hands out homemade food to everyone in the building complex, almost if she was our own mother. Terrence is standing at the end of the stairs, staring at me.
" what up, girl". He says grinning

"Not now Terrence".

" you know, you are one hell of a woman. You got it all little mama. The tits, the butt damn girl. You fall from heaven ?" He laughs and he reaches out to touch me.
I dodge his touch and walk out the doors, ignoring the last comment. How can any man find me attractive when I am damaged. So damaged infact I have never even kissed a man. Men have tried, plenty of men but I am to scared,  even the thought of  being intimate with a man brings chills down my spine. I whistle for a cab and five minutes later one stops. I have to be at this interview at ten, its 9:15 and I have 45 minutes to get across town. I twiddle my thumbs as anxiety reaches its peak, I need this job, the money I have to get out of that hell I live in. 

I finally reach Dexter Corporation, with only ten minutes to spare. I step in the revolving doors, I see this beautiful blonde sitting at a marbled half circle desk. She has a dazzling smile and right away I feel as if I am out of place in this office.
" welcome to Dexter Corporation, my name is melissa, do you have an appointment?" She smiles what seems like to be her best smile.
" My name is Riley Stone, I am here for a ten o'clock appointment, with Mister Leonardo Hendricks." My voice sound strangely confident as if you never know I doubted myself in every aspect of my being.
"Right this way" she stood from her chair her dress hanging from her hips, she is what I always wanted to be.. beautiful. She knocked on a glass door, one that you could not see in, the trims of the door were gold and the door read: Leonardo Hendrixs CEO. It looked as if it was carved from royalty itself.