ADRONITIS (II) : tmr minho

23: I could be Clean

Michelle 23

He's gone.

I was supposed to feed the chickens before dinner, but it is now dinner, and I am hiding in the Bloodhouses.

None of them get it. Gally is gone. He left me, actually this time. I don't get it. He tells me he loves me, and he leaves. Jealous of Dave all the time, angry I was forced to work in here, nervous when he asked me to tell him I liked him; Gally felt all the ways he was supposed to feel. Emotions have meaning. He doesn't get to just leave me.

I'm not going to be upset about it though. There isn't a reason too. I'm better than him. If I really wanted Dave, I could have him. Honestly, I could have pretty much anybody I wanted in this shuck place.

If he is going to abandon me, I'm abandoning him.

"Newt's still looking for you," Winston walks in the door, shutting it behind him with his foot and dropping the plates on the table. "Told him you didn't show up for work today."

I'm sort of glad to that effect. One of those shucking rules is do your part, but it's a load of klunk. I am not doing anything unless they shucking force me. Besides, that's not something Newt'll banish me for. Worse, I get two weeks in the Slammer. And then, a bunch of boys will call this whole thing by its name.

A prison.

First, the boys go after Gally from the second he gets here. He gets stung and they don't give a shuck. Everybody just automatically assumes he kills Nick. Then, once I get here, it's the same thing. Maybe it's because they are threatened that we are on to them.

The reason I didn't go with Gally is because I believed they were innocent, but now I know it's my fault. All those Keepers are evil, and I bet the girls are too. They wanted him to run out. Abandonment is a bridge they built. I will burn it to the ground.

I don't know what to think. I can't decide if I hate Gally, or the Keepers, or just myself. He ran away like a coward, but they were doing the evil deeds.

"Shuck Newt." I mutter, slamming my fists against the counter. "Shuck their fucking witch hunt. They got Gally to leave."

"Gally left because he is a klunkhead," Winston takes of whatever shucking food he brought in. He chews loudly, and he is so greasy. On a physical level, he is disgusting.

"You don't know klunk," I argue, my voice low.

"I know that he thought Thomas was evil, so he decided to go kill himself," Winston argues.

I'm moving off, away from where I sulk on the table, over to Winston. He is much taller than me, so as I try to intimidate him, I find him intimidating me back. He carries a threat on his shoulders and anger in his fists. He drops the fork he is holding as he stares at me.

"You got a shucking problem with it?" He asks, eyeing me up and down. "I thought you were the kind of girl who liked the truth."

"Shut your shucking trap before I shut it for you."

He rolls his eyes, stepping back from me. "Please. You are what, five feet tall? I'd break all your bones in one second."

I wait for him to say something to provoke me, but that's the end of the sentence. He's too smart.

"That's what I thought," he smiles, looking at me. He takes one step forward, hanging down over top of me. "Behind that tough persona I can see who you really are."