ADRONITIS (II) : tmr minho

40: I could be Seeking

40 Ella

I managed to sneak out when Leo wasn't looking. It was easy since she had to tend to one of the Runners. He sprained his ankle.

I have a feeling that at the end of this, he isn't going to make it. It's too close to our demise to have a twisted ankle.

I creep down the stairs, hiding in a closet when I hear footsteps echoing through the Homestead. It could be anybody, since we are all stuffed inside this tiny building. I am causing to much noise to successfully escape. His screams have died down, creating a riff in the air. Thomas cannot help mask me in sound either.

Unfortunately, I have no more memories than I did last time.

Solution: unlock them.

Solution: now.

Solution: tonight.

Solution: remember.

Solution: remember or hate yourself.

Solution: remember or live in ignorance.

Solution: remember or be unable to complete the mission.

Solution: remember or lose her.

Solution: remember or lose the future.

Solution: remember or fail.

Solution: demand to know from Thomas.

The clock is ticking. Hopefully tomorrow. Hopefully soon. I can ask him. Apologise for hating him and ask him what he knows. Since, he holds all the answers. I wonder if he will remember me. Was I just a nuisance to him back then? Were we nothing more than casualties in this great battle? Because, unlike some, I would die for the truth. I must no what happened. I have to remember. There is no future with no past.

It can't end like this.

When the sound has passed, I leave the closet. My bare feet make the floors creak. There are more boys in the main room than there was any other night. Slowly, the grey bodies have been compiling into one centre, waiting out their murders.

I walk around, until I spot the one glimpse of fading turquoise. Zart is near the middle of the room, crouching over next to Chuck. The child sits still, crying on the ground quietly. People have already shuffled far away from the sound. It's a hole in their mass. Like a target in the centre of a circle. The sound doesn't help.

"You'll be fine Chuck," Zart is talking to the boy. I find myself sitting down in the center with them. If either of them notices, I don't notice that they notice. I'm still really foggy.

Now, cutting my neck open was obviously not my best idea, but I'm desperate. There is coming to be no other option. The longer we go on, the more dangerous this becomes. Days ticking and ticking and ticking and gone. There are patterns. There is a solution. Tomorrow. It is the last day then. I know it. We've got no other option.

"They're going to come again," he whispers. "I don't know what to do."

"I'll let them kill me before they get you," Zart says. "Besides, they only take one a night."

I don't know if I'm expecting him to apologise again. Am I supposed to forgive him? I don't know if I do or don't. Exhaustion weighs down my body, rotting my corpse. It has been a very long day, and the sun isn't rising until tomorrow. Maybe I'll get to see her again. I would recognise her if Zart hadn't hurt me. It was him who let them cut the flesh. He can't pretend his hands are clean of blood.

Chuck is still sobbing. I lay a hand on his shoulder because I know that is what you are supposed to do. Not because I understand what it means. I still feel so foggy all the time. The longer these days go on, the more and more I realise I have less and less hope of recovering.

"If you make it through tonight, there will be no others." I tell him.

Chuck blinks, before actually turning his attention towards me. "What are you talking about?"

I wait for Zart to call me off, but he doesn't. I wait for anything. It's not something I can just tell Chuck since he will not believe me. Most days, I wouldn't believe me either. However, it is what it is, and the truth is now. I'm talking about salvation. No promises, but I know Thomas will know, and he shall deliver. It was designed this way. Or something. I really don't remember. Am I making sense? Thanks, Zart.

The Grievers are here. Chuck whimpers. Although I can barely hear them since they are just outside. Circling about. I can't remember who designed them. Was it for the sole purpose of terrifying us? This is why I must know what happened. At one point, this enraged me. Now though, I have nothing to enflame. Maybe it is hate that drives me. Not the need for truth. In order for there to be reconciliation, we must acknowledge all the ways we have been broken.

The window smashes open, and the wind blows in. No hand breaks through. The room is invaded by the grinding of metal against metal. It cranks and cracks and rattles, and it is so close. Chuck is going red. He has buried his face in his pillow. Zart holds him by the shoulders tightly. All the boys near the wall have already flown away, diving past us into the far corners of the room.

Zart looks up at me, frozen in place. Is he asking for my help?

The door breaks open too. It flies off its hinges, and I hear people gasping. Still, no one moves. In fact, no one breathes. I stand still, next to Zart. Waiting. It's going to come. It is coming. There is no hope for us. One of us three will have to die. The other bodies have slithered out of the room.

I rip Chuck out of Zart's hands, pulling him away from the boy. Moving him to the other side of the room. I can never forgive Zart of what he did to me. I don't imagine he can forgive himself either. He doesn't move. If anything, he straightens up. For a second, he makes eye contact with me. His eyes are soft and wet. They call to me.

I frown, staring back.

The Griever reaches through the window, grabs him, and rips him off into the night.

Chuck continues to sob into my chest. He holds onto me, pulling me onto the ground. I can do nothing but try to hold the boy as he claws for air. Everyone else in here is struggling to breathe. No one can move. No one can think. No one can feel.

I have to remember.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Coolio.

I'll see you soon, in Leo and Repeating.