ADRONITIS (II) : tmr minho

38: I could be Fragile

Dawn 38

I stand above the Griever hole. Or, I guess its just a cliff. There's nothing special to this place, other than the pebbles that seem to vanish into thin air after Minho throws them down.

"See," he mutters, rubbing his hands through his hair. He's just as exhausted as last night. His skin is dry from both the sun and the lack of bathing. "There's nothing else here."

"I could jump down there," I offer. "Figure out what there is to see."

He almost laughs, shaking his head. "You want to throw yourself down into a pit with the shucking Grievers?"

"It's an idea at least," I shrug, though I know it's barely an idea. Half-baked.

It's getting late. If there were a sun, it would be in danger of setting, and it'll probably take us a decent chunk of time to get back to the Glade. Minho is either bitter from the heat or from the exhaustion of running and running and running. He has almost sweat through his shirt and can't seem to handle himself.

"You think it's a good idea to throw yourself into the Griever hole?" His voice is slow as he turns his back to the Cliff. His body sways, as does his voice. He's dangerously close to the edge, and it makes me nervous. "What do you think that will solve?"

"Something!" I manage, turning on my feet to stare at him. A fire roars out of me I barely recognize. "It's just a shucking idea. I'm not going to break if you don't handle me with bloody care. I'm not a china doll. I can do what I want. I can beat anything."

His back stiffens. Our eyes meet. His face is still, and his eyes are warm. They call to me. "What's going on Dee?"

I'm pregnant. That's what's happening. I am delicate, and fragile, but only because there is a human inside me. I hold something that we share. There is a part of him growing within me, and I can't tell him. I can't tell him because we are going to die soon, and because he is stressed out, and because I don't need to break when I think about how much I am hurting him.

I don't know what to do. He deserves to know, but I can't tell him. I can't hurt him like that.

"I'm going back to the Glade," I toss over my shoulder, moving around him and rounding a corner.

"I'll take you back." He sighs, trying to turn around and be in front of me.

I need to be alone. Now, I can't be with him. Not when I know about this thing leeching off me, that I don't want but am bound to. I messed up and now our whole lives are going to change. I can't do that to him, or to us. I love him too much for that.

"Believe it or not Minho, I'm not a shucking idiot." I can feel myself trying to be angry, since if I'm not angry I'm going to start crying. "And don't follow me. The Grievers are the least of my problems right now."

He tries to ignore me, grabbing my wrist. I shove him back.

"Don't touch me," I don't know how else to warn him that I am a ticking time bomb. Tears seep from my eyes. "Don't touch me ever again."

"Dawn," he begins. "What is up with you? Why are you doing this?"

He doesn't understand. He can't, he couldn't. I'm just so angry. Why am I doing this? It's not as if I have much of a choice.

"I mean it," I can't help but sob now. I can't help but hurt, because I can't do this. "If you do, you'll be no different than Ben."

He flinches, recoiling backwards, and I take the opportunity to run away. My feet tripping and stumbling as they sink deeper into the pool of tears I leave behind. I can't believe I've left him. How could I do that? Why would I?