ADRONITIS (II) : tmr minho

8: I could be With Her

Ella 8

I know you are in there.

Black, black hair, and ice, stabbing eyes. You know, I can see your soul seeping out.

Puddles on the pavement. We once had pavement. We once had streets, and street lights, and real stars in the sky. She glowed.

You, bad girl. Light-lips-like-vanilla girl, actually dark and heavy and violent like coffee. Like the hands of the smoke man. Skin not like smoke, liar girl. You choke-me-up-and-spit-me-out-for-consumption girl.

You even sleep, mean lady?

Life ruiner. I lost a love. Lost a lot more than that too. There is no me, no you, no sun, no stars. No her. She's gone, in fire and rain. Washing away in a flood, but you remember. I bet you do. Want me to kill you? I could do it, but you know where she is. Seen her with eyes that see. My eyes are blind.

Killer bitch, get killed bitch.

It is dark and lonely without her.

Nasty woman. You are natural and prosthetic. Take the metal out of your skin. I don't ask politely. No more politely. No more sun. You stealer. You thief.

You know, metal tastes like blood. You remember watching them bleed? How long you been watching through the bugs? What you want is not what I can give. What do you want?

Vengeance.

She was beautiful.

Pale, like you, but not bad pale. Pale like she had been trapped in a room forever. Existing in infinite and expanding ways; a rainbow of violets. Did it hurt you to take her? Because it hurts me still, in ways you cannot begin to comprehend.

I am bleeding, everywhere now.

I don't remember what you did, but I remember not liking you. I don't remember what Thomas did, but he's just as bad too.

There's a room, and I'm sitting in it. They placed me on the bed next to her, and that's how I can watch her so easily. Why is it so simple to snap out of that like it was a simple daydream? Why has my memory washed away?

There was a plan. Before that, there was Thomas. Before that, I was supposed to be her. Before that, I met a face obscured in darkness and the Smoke man. The two are so much of the same I can't tell one from the other.

"I wonder if you can here me," I find myself slinking off the sheets, moving in closer to the girl. The fabric which covers her is soft, at least softer than my bed. I don't remember Teresa, though I know her name.

I keep rehashing over and over again all that I know, as if more details will come spilling out of the filing cabinets which hold my memories.

There was the Violet girl and Smoke man, there was my role, there was Thomas, and there was a plan. One to get us here, at least, for some reason.

I wonder where Thomas is.

I slowly make my way over to the window, peering outside. I don't see him, although I don't see much of anyone. From here I can make out the faint figures of boys I recognize working in the garden, although I don't think any of them are Zart.

With no Thomas in sight, I find my way moving back to Teresa.

"I know you did it," it's but a whisper. I don't know if this is an act or if she can actually hear me. Maybe it would be better if I feigned idiocy, but I'm sure the Smoke Man knows by now. It does no good pretending. "You're the reason she is gone."

Teresa doesn't flinch. Her pale skin rests still. I know her name isn't even Teresa Agnes, but something else that I even she wouldn't know. Not that they probably let even her keep it. She might not realise it, but she is as much beneath them as I am.

"I want you to know that I lost her," I lean in closer, my hand placed firmly on her wrist. "I don't know if I'll ever find her again. Maybe she's been dead for years, or maybe I will be dead for years before you see her next. If we both survive, maybe we won't recognise each other when we come face to face."

This is a cruel world she has created for me to live in. If she is dead, then Teresa killed her. Regardless, I must get through this to find her again. I want to know the past, to get me out of this. The truth will bring me to her, no matter the cost.

"Trigger the ending," this time, I hope she can hear me. "I don't care if every single person in the Glade dies, but you and I will live, and you will bring me back to her for once and for all."

~~~~

Well, this is fun. And also weird. And also, I like this, and I like Ella.

Who is the dark figure Ella remembers?

I'll see you soon, in Leo and Caring.