The day drags on as it always does. I hate school, I'm so glad that I graduate this year. I can only imagine how blissful that will be. The moment I take hold of my diploma I think I might cry. It's only assumed that it'll be the best moment of my life.
I'm on my bed, reading Looking For Alaska by John Green and I find myself sad.
I couldn't imagine what it felt to be in love with someone, to love them and not be completely sure if they felt the same way. I felt bad for the character, Miles. He never found out if Alaska loved him back, having died in a car crash after getting trashed out of her mind.
In a way, Alaska sounded like me. Rebellious, carefree, a mess bound to be the cause of her own destruction. The thought scared me.
I close the book, returning it to its rightful place on my bookshelf, just as my mum knocks on the door. I look over to her and sigh.
"Yes?" Her smile is bright, she looks around the room. I begin to crave nicotine.
"Someone's here to see you." I roll my eyes and go to the door. I already knew who it was.
"Could you be anymore obvious?"
"What do you mean?"
"You only look like that when Luke comes over." She scoffs.
"I do not. Anyway, someone's waiting for you at the door." I know how mum worked, and it was obvious she wanted Luke and I to be together. She's always liked Luke and I don't blame her. He is kind.
I pass her and make my way down the stairs. The front door is closed, probably because of my mother and I open it.
Predictably, Luke stands at my doorstep. His attention is fixed on the concrete steps below him. When he realizes I've opened the door he looks up at me and gives me a weak smile.
"Hey, Allie." I walk back inside my house, assuming he'd follow behind. I'm proven right when I hear his heavy footsteps.
"How've you been?" I walk into the kitchen, opening a drawer my mum usually kept her cigs in. I find the box and take it out.
"I'm alright, same as always, you?" I grab a lighter as well and pass Luke, gently brushing shoulders with him as I do.
"I'm alright, I kinda miss-"
"Wanna go for a walk?" He stares at me for a moment, probably caught off guard by me going off topic. He nods slowly.
"Yeah, sure." I grab my jacket off the coat rack and head outside, Luke follows behind me. He watches beside me as I make my way down the sidewalk. I pull a cig out the box and light it.
"That's a bad habit, you know." I look over to him as I take a drag and exhale the smoke away from him.
"I know."
"Then why don't you quit?" I shrug.
"It's hard," He frowns a little, hands in his pockets. His cheeks are pink from the cold. "So why did you come over? Thought you were upset with me."
"Upset with you?"
"Yeah, you haven't spoken to me in two days." He doesn't make eye contact with me.
"I guess I was a bit shook from the night before." He had a point but I found myself still becoming upset about the situation.
"Yeah, I was shook too, but you could've at least tried to talk to me." To this he looks over at me.
"Don't make me look like the bad guy, you didn't put in any effort to talk to me either. You're just as bad as I am," I take a large puff of my cig and listen to him silently. "Plus, I did try to contact you the morning after but you didn't respond to my texts." I think back to that morning and sigh.
"I was hungover and missed my alarm. I slept in three more hours."
"And your mum was okay with that?"
"I don't care what the hell she thinks." I raise my voice. He stares at me.
"You still haven't changed."
"I'm sorry," I sigh. "I'm just frustrated."
"But why?"
"Because, my mum always wants to try and be my best friend but that could never happen," We round a corner and I take a quick drag . "We could never be close again, we never have been and I've come to accept that. I don't get why she tries so hard." Luke stares at me and frowns.
"Why do you hate her so much?" I sigh.
"I don't really wanna talk about it."
"But why-"
"Luke." He looks over at me and shrugs.
"Alright." We walk by a park and see a bench, we come to a stop and take a seat. I lean back and look up at the sky.
"Looks like it's gonna rain." I smoke and watch the clouds move by slowly. From the corner of my eye, I see Luke staring at me. I move my attention to him.
"What?" It's silent for a moment and he looks away.
"Nothing." I raise an eyebrow and take the last drag of my cigarette before flicking it to the sidewalk.
"Hm, you seem to say nothing when it's clearly something." He shrugs and looks back to me.
"What can I say? There's nothing important on my mind, nothing significant." I look him in the eyes to detect his lie but I can't and scoff.
"Whatever." It's quiet for a bit longer. In the distance we hear a small rumble of thunder.
"Alice?"
"Hm."
"I'm worried." It's just now that I realize he's been watching me the whole time, almost observing me, his lips turned downward slightly.
"Why is that?" I can tell his hands are fidgeting in his moving pockets.
"You could get cancer, you could die, Allie." He speaks, referring to my habit of smoking cigarettes.
"I'll be fine, Luke-"
"That's what they all say until they find out they have it." He frowns, finally looking away from me. I watch the dark clouds roll in closer.
"I don't know what you want me to say." He sighs deeply. Suddenly, the rain starts to fall at a steady pace, before turning into a pour. Luke stands up.
"Let's head back." He begins to walk without waiting for me. It takes a while for me too but I finally get up to follow. I finally catch up to him.
"Please try." He speaks over the pouring rain. I look to him and see how saddened he looks by the topic. I frown finally and nod.
"I'll try."
