TRIGGER WARNING
It's so hard, constantly trying to please everyone all the time. It was tiring and I wish I didn't feel guilty for the shit I do. I wish there was a way to not give a fuck. Why do we have feelings?
I saw the look in Luke's eyes, he hated the things I did. Not just smoking, but he hated the fact that I slept around, did drugs, all of it. He hated all of me and I hate that he couldn't admit it. I felt bad, he was only trying to be a good friend.
I'm sitting on my bed, zoning into my thoughts before my phone goes off, pulling me from them. I'm surprised to see the reason for it.
Ashton: Hey love, meet me by the park by the school? I'm bored, and I'm sure you are too. 6:30pm
For some odd reason, I smile. I shouldn't, but I find myself unable to make it stop.
Me: I'll be there in thirty minutes tops.
•••
I make my way down the concrete sidewalk quickly. It was odd how fast I responded to Ashton's text but I tried not to think too much about it. Chasing after someone wasn't usually my thing, so why do I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing now?
The park is three feet away from me and it doesn't take me long to see the head of light brown curls. I spot him before he realizes I'm walking toward him. He's scrolling on his phone, leaning back with his arm draped along the top of the bench. It made no sense to me how someone could look so confident and cool when doing absolutely nothing. Finally, he sees me and smiles.
"Hey princess." My cheeks heat up at the nickname, I hope not noticeably.
"Ashton," I sit beside him.
"How've you been?" He looks concerned. "We haven't spoke much since the party." At this point the party was a week ago. It didn't bother me much anymore. Luke and I talking it out helped with how I felt.
"I've been good, better," I bite my lip. "You haven't bothered contacting me so I assumed that was all you wanted." I speak, referring to the sex we had. He gets the hint after a moment and sighs.
"Well, we were both drunk," He states and I roll
my eyes. "But I still want to be friends with you. I like you, there's something about you that draws me to you." I stare at him a moment, completely surprised at his response.
"I'm not that special honestly," I laugh. "I just like to have sex and do drugs." Suddenly, I pull out a cigarette. I put it between my lips and just as I'm ready to light it, I remember the talk Luke and I had and freeze. Ashton stares at me, confused.
"Well, you gonna light that or do you need a lighter that works?" He chuckles and I shake my head before putting my cig back into my box.
"No." I reply solemnly and he frowns a bit.
"Quitting?"
"Trying." I sigh and he nods.
"Well that's... cool. That's good," He laughs. "In that case would you light that one for me?" I look to him and smirk.
"Mhm." I nod as I hand him the cig. He puts it between his lips and I light it for him. I find myself staring as he takes a drag. He looked hot, which it didn't surprise me. He pulls it from his lips and exhales before looking at me. He scoffs.
"Take a picture it'll last longer."
"What?"
"If you wanna have sex with me again just say so." I roll my eyes.
"Oh, fuck off, I don't. Mistake remember?"
"Well, your face says otherwise." I ignore him as he takes another drag. In an instant, his face lights up and he looks over at me.
"What?" His lip turns upward into a crooked smile.
"Wanna do something fun?"
•••
"What the fuck are we doing Ashton?" It's getting dark and I can't see all that well. I don't know what I was thinking. A car ride and thirty minutes later here I was, climbing up stone and dirt to get to a place Ashton said was assumed to be fun. I didn't even know what time it was and I know that my mother is freaking the fuck out right now.
"Hush, we're almost there."
"You said that thirty minutes ago."
"Do you always whine this much?" I roll my eyes as we continue uphill.
"What time is it?" The sun was setting and I was starting to worry that he might kill me.
"We're almost there alright?" Suddenly, we're no longer uphill and there's a straight pathway, Ashton continues forward through it and I groan.
"Ashton."
"We're here." We push through a bit more and there's a clear opening.
In front of and below us is a large body of water. I'd say about seventy feet down. I couldn't lie, the scenery was gorgeous with the sunset. I look over to Ashton and scoff.
"You took me all the way out here to see a sunset?" To this he bursts out laughing. I raise an eyebrow in confusion.
"Excuse me? What's so funny?" He shakes his head and looks at me, that stupid smirk still painted on his face.
"We aren't here to watch the sunset." And with that said, he begins to start stripping off his clothes. Suddenly, I find myself laughing at him.
"You're funny as hell if you think for a second I'm jumping in that water." He shrugs.
"Suns going down, babe," He stops when he's only in his clad boxers. "I'm jumping in and I doubt you'd wanna be up here alone when it gets darker." I frown slightly. He had a point.
"Fuck," He bites his lip and I wanted to slap that sly smirk off his face. "Ashton that water is probably freezing, are you crazy?"
"It ain't that cold. Been here before at this time," he laughs. "You a pussy?" I sigh. I never say no to something when someone uses that card. I fucking hate him.
"Jesus."
"Clothes off then." I roll my eyes but give in to his points. I pull my shirt and my sweatpants off, revealing my black lace panties and bra.
"Wow, you're fucking sexy." I roll my eyes.
"Let's get this over with." Just as I go to jump, he stops me.
"Wait... are those..." I notice his hand go to touch the skin of my thigh, just below my hip and I flinch. I look up to him and he frowns. "Alice."
"It's nothing, it's fine." I try to change the subject and he shakes his head.
"Are you okay? Why did you-"
"Please drop it." I feel my face heat up and I thank the sunset for making it hard to see. Well, I can't thank it enough. He nods silently and tries to change the subject.
"So, uh... you first?" I nod, and before I allow him to say anything else, I jump.
