At first, Luke doesn't pull away. I'm surprised to find him kissing me back. His hands move to run through my hair as he moves closer to me. He pulls away momentarily to catch his breath before reconnecting our lips. I wrap my arms around his neck as we kiss.
His lips are so soft.
His bottom lip molds over my top as the kiss gets a bit messier and deeper. My heart is pounding. He pulls me closer by the waist and I almost find myself sitting on his lap. That's when he pulls away.
"Fuck." He sighs. I breathe a bit heavy and stare at him.
"What?" He rubs his face.
"I'm with Sierra. I can't do this to her." He stands up. I frown at him.
"Aren't you guys unhappy?" He slightly ignores my question.
"One fight shouldn't be enough to give up on a relationship." I bite my lip, embarrassed. Of course, I'm such an idiot.
"I'm sorry... I just thought. I don't know."
"What did you think? Alice, you can't treat me like you don't care for so long and then suddenly show you're interested when I've already found a fucking girlfriend." I frown at him as he runs his hands through his hair.
"I'm sorry, Luke..." He looks at me and sighs. Luke doesn't speak for a while and sits back down at the table.
"You've really got me fucked up," He rests his face in his hands and sighs again. After a while, he looks back at me. "I don't know what it is about you." I shrug, not really wanting to cause anymore problems.
"I don't know," I watch him. "But you shouldn't still be with Sierra if you're still in love with-"
"I'm not." He snaps, cutting me off. "I'm not still in love..." He seemed to be trying to convince himself that but clearly it wasn't working.
"Luke."
"Alice." He mocks.
"Listen, I don't need your attitude, if you wanna lie to me and say you don't still love me then fine," I shrug. "But don't lie to Sierra." He rolls his eyes, playing with his fingers. I stand up when he doesn't say anything.
"I'll be upstairs then." I move around the table and walk to the stairs. I head up, slightly wishing that Luke would follow me, but he doesn't. I sigh deeply as I get into his room, hopping onto his bed.
I lay under the blankets and pull them over my head, opening up my phone to see a text message.
Another from Ashton.
Ashton: Alice... I know you're mad at me and I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt your feelings...
I felt angry at Ashton. I didn't want to talk to him but I felt he deserved at least a reply.
Me: I get that I'm known for sleeping around and not giving a fuck, but after we shared that moment showing each other our scars, I thought maybe I actually meant more to you than sex. I thought we could've been something more. But I was wrong and that's fine.
I sigh and lock my phone, waiting for a response. I get one soon after.
Ashton: I know, I'm a douchebag. But we never really went into depth about feelings or something more... you never brought that up either.
I laugh. Wasn't it obvious that I kind of liked him? I felt that I didn't have to confirm a thing.
Me: Whatever Ashton, I don't want to play games with you.
I shut my phone off and lay under the blankets with my eyes closed. I felt so empty and annoyed and sad. Even though I had Luke, I couldn't help but still feel that feeling of unhappiness and loneliness.
For some reason I found myself crying, and it irritated me even more. Why am I crying? There's no fucking reason to cry.
There's a knock and I look to the door. Luke stands, knocking on the doorframe. I look at him and sigh, throwing my head back under the blankets.
"Leave me alone." I sniffle.
"It's my room." He retorts. I roll my eyes even though he can't see.
"Are you crying?" I don't respond to him. I feel the bed beside me dip and that's when I peek out of the blanket. Luke sits beside me, looking sad. "Don't cry."
"I don't even know why I am," I laugh. "So don't even mind me." Luke moves his hand over and runs his fingers through my hair gently, repeating the same gesture every time he got to the bottom, starting back at the top. I sigh, it felt relaxing and made me want to fall back to sleep.
"I do still love you," He finally speaks. "I'm just frustrated about it, as weird as that sounds." He laughs. I look up at him.
"Why are you frustrated about it?" He shrugs, even though we both knew there was a reason.
"I'm just afraid to get hurt in the end that's all." He continues to play with my hair. I nod. It's understandable. I haven't been the nicest to him, and falling in love with someone who doesn't seem to care is probably not the best feeling. I sigh.
"I'm really sorry I did this to you, Luke. I really am, you don't deserve this at all."
"It's fine really, I can deal with it." I watch him, feeling terrible. He wasn't looking at me, just paying attention to my hair as he ran his hand through it. After a while, he looks down at me.
"What?" I say. He shrugs and smiles small.
"I don't know." We're silent again and Luke bites his lip. I feel awkward, not knowing what to say and look up at the ceiling. Then Luke speaks up again after taking a deep breath.
"Fuck it." He says and leans down, kissing me before I can say anything. I don't reject it, I just wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. I play with his curls and he moves to lay down beside me, his hands moving to my waist to pull me close to him.
Luke bites my lip, pulling it back and taking me by surprise. My stomach was doing backflips, but in a good way. Saying that I felt butterflies right now was an understatement.
The kiss gets more rough and Luke moves to hover on top of me. The moment my mouth opens slightly he pushes his tongue through, moving it around mine. He glides his tongue over my bottom lip and I tug gently on his hair, causing him to moan quietly.
I loved how it felt being this close with Luke, and I never wanted it to end. This was something that I secretly wanted deep down for years but I was too much of a coward to admit it. Too afraid to let him in. It just felt too easy, too perfect. And now that I've finally gave in, it felt incredible.
Luke pulls away and breathes heavily. I look confused, wanting to kiss again until his head dips down, pressing his lips against the base of my neck. My eyes flutter closed as he moves up my neck, leaving more kisses to my jawline, moving back to my lips.
"Yes, Luke." I feel my cheeks heat up as his hand moves down, going under the waistband of his sweatpants I'm wearing. Soon it goes under the waistband of my panties as well. I wasn't prepared for what happened next.
His fingers move over my clit, rubbing over it in circles and just as I go to moan, Luke kisses me again.
He made me feel great, I squirm a bit as his fingers move against me and I moan through the kiss. He pulls away and looks down at me.
"I love you."
