Ashton
I decided to stay with Cindy at her house, there wasn't a way in hell that I was going back to living with my sorry excuse for a father. So I stayed with Cindy and Calum, and I have been since Alice's death.
It's been three weeks and it's been absolutely terrible, the way the house felt without her. The entire mood and energy of the house has changed since she's been gone. It's quiet, cold. I feel empty, and I constantly feel sick as I mope around the house. It was hard for us to eat, to speak. There hasn't been much conversation between the three of us since that day.
When we told Calum of the news he lost it too. He was a sobbing, shaking mess, just as Luke was. They've both known her the same amount of time. I couldn't imagine them reacting any other way.
I lay in Allie's bed, eyes swollen as I hold her pillow in my arms. It still smelled like her. It smelled of her strawberry shampoo and weed. I think back to the time we smoked in her bedroom, her record player blasting the sound of The Killers. I think about the carefree smile on her beautiful face when I asked if her mum cared if we smoked in here. I remember the frown that I wanted so desperately to kiss from her face as she spoke of her confused feelings for me.
I would do anything to have her back in this bed with me, to tell her how much she means to me. To kiss her worries and insecurities away from her mind.
The school held a small vigil for her after school a few days after her death, which was put together by Mr. Williams. He knew she had problems since the beginning. I know how often he spoke to her and offered her help. He was the only teacher that gave a fuck about her. I respect and appreciate him greatly for that.
At the vigil, everyone who talked shit about her, anyone who thought it would be fun to bully her, cried. Everyone including Sierra, who reacted the worst of them all. After seeing her the way I did, I wanted to forgive her, but I just couldn't find the will power in me to do it. She was a big part of the reason Alice killed herself and I will never forgive her for it.
As I pull myself out of my thoughts, I realize how much I've been crying, the wet spot on the pillow spreading further than it was moments earlier. There's a knock on the door and I sniff, looking over to it slowly. It's Cindy, her eyeliner has already made it's way down her cheeks and we haven't even left yet. Calum stood beside her, not making eye contact with me.
"It's time to go." She speaks weakly and I nod.
The funeral. I never thought this would be happening, but it was. I would never be prepared for this, but it was here, and we had to leave. I get up, flattening the front of my suit with my hands. I sigh deeply and nod, walking past the both of them. It's silent as we make our way our to the car. No one says a word the entire ride.
* * *
There's quiet chatter throughout the funeral home, getting ready and preparing for the service. I hear some talk about how beautiful Alice was, personality and all. I stand in the corner of the room, observing everyone and wiping stray tears as they come. I hate feeling this way, so completely barren and empty and having absolutely nothing to do about it.
"She was such a brave girl." I hear someone say and I almost scoff. Who the fuck are these people? I've never seen any of these people before, and here they are talking about how well they knew her, or pulling up old encounters they may have had with her.
"Load of bullshit ain't it?" I hear someone speak beside me. It doesn't surprise me to see who it is.
"Yeah." I reply vaguely. Luke leans against the wall with me and sighs, leaning his head back. His eyes are puffy and red rings circle around them. His horrendous appearance was expected, it's probably how I looked too.
