As it turned out, all Ashton did all day was pester me. Well, when he had the chance to anyway. He tried talking to me the whole time in both my classes, which bothered me only because for once I actually wanted to do my work. I hadn't seen Luke at all since this morning and as much as I was sad about it, I was grateful too.
He'd left me text messages apologizing to me. Although I'm not the one he should be apologizing to. I'd tell Sierra but it isn't my relationship and certainly not my secret to tell. I did feel bad as much as I didn't show it. Sierra was a sweet girl and she was going to be hurt by this.
How long had they even been dating?
Not even three days.
Suddenly, a tater tot is thrown at me and manages to fall down the front of my shirt.
"Hey!"
"Sorry babe, you looked like you zoned and I had to ruin it." I groan, taking it out of my shirt.
"Don't call me babe. I don't even know why you've been stalking me all day. It's kind of annoying." Ashton scoffs.
"Any girl would kill to have my attention."
"Well I'm clearly not any girl."
"You liked me at one point though." I roll my eyes and ignore him, poking at the tater tots with my fork. It was odd that I hadn't seen Luke or Sierra in the cafeteria yet.
Maybe he told her already...
"Alice?"
"Hm?"
"I asked you what's wrong. Jesus you really are out of it today, aren't you?" I shrug and rest my head on my hand.
"I guess so."
"So what's wrong then?"
"I don't really wanna talk about it." He nods and leans back in his chair, beginning to scroll on his phone.
"You know, I'm like a walking diary. I don't tell anyone anything," He looks up from his phone. "So if you ever wanted to talk about something that's bothering you, it would stay between us." I look him in the eyes. For the first time today he's serious. Ashton continues to lock eyes with me until I break contact.
"Thank you," I frown a bit. I take a deep breath. "It's about Luke."
"Predictably." I scowl at him.
"Look I didn't open up for you to be a smart a-"
"Alright," He puts his arms up. "I know. I know," He sighs and puts his arms down. "What happened then?" I shrug.
"A lot." He nods, waiting for me to continue. "Well, something happened between us."
"You had sex then?" I dart my eyes to him immediately. Was I really that transparent?
"How did you..."
"You aren't friends with someone as long as you two have been and just not have sex. It had to of happened at least once in your lives. I could tell you had some sort of feelings for him, but I never really brought it to light," He shrugs. "But honestly, it was just a lucky guess. So you have then?" I nod slowly.
"Yeah." He nods and looks down at his phone.
"He's with Sierra, you know." I roll my eyes and groan, putting my face in my hands.
"I know, Ash. I know this and I feel fucking terrible." When I look back at him he's smirking. He's such a fucking prick sometimes. I actually feel like reaching over and punching him in the face.
"Why the fuck are you smirking like that?"
"You called me Ash."
"That really isn't the fucking point of this damn conversation Ashton. Like for once can you actually fucking take me seriously and take my god damn feelings into consideration?!" I accidentally snap at him, loud enough to gain the attention of a few people. Luckily the bell rings and I stand up immediately, grabbing my tray as well.
"Hey, I'm sorry." Ashton follows hot behind me as I empty my tray and walk out.
"I'm sure you are. You're always sorry aren't you?" He sighs beside me.
"I am fucking sorry, Allie. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about how I treated you, how I mislead you. I'm very much sorry about the way you're feeling and I'm sorry I'm such a prick at the wrong times. Truly and honestly." I look at him for a moment before looking straight ahead again, walking with him.
"Okay."
"I just wanted to make light of it, I was trying to brighten the mood a bit. I don't want you to be sad. I didn't mean to be an ass about it."
"It's fine." He nods and we keep walking.
"I'd still like to do something with you after school though. Even though I've been around you most of the day." I smile friendly.
"That's fine. Thank you for apologizing. I appreciate it." He smiles back, a sincere smile.
"No problem. You deserve that much." I pull on the straps to my backpack as I walk, my head still in bad thoughts. I sigh deeply as I think about the whole situation. It really was my fault. Even though it wasn't all my fault, I was at fault for a decent amount of it.
"Don't get in your head too much, Alice." Ashton speaks up beside me.
"I'm not."
"But you are," He looks at me. "I can tell. You aren't speaking and you keep looking at your feet." He was right. I am very in my head but I couldn't really help that. I wish yesterday had never happened.
"It's my fault and I feel so bad, Ashton. It's just something that happened in the moment. We were alone and we were talking and I guess we just felt so comfortable and vulnerable and... It just fucking happened you know?" He frowns a bit and nods.
"Yeah, I know. I'm not gonna say it's okay or right but yes I do understand." I bite my lip raw.
"I know," I sigh. "I'm a bad person."
"No you aren't."
"I am. Don't lie to make me feel better." To this, Ashton stays silent as we walk. I don't know if it's because he knew I was a bad person or if it's because he just didn't know what to say. Either way, it was fine. Because I was a bad person, and this whole situation has really just confirmed that.
As Ashton and I near my class, in the distance I see Luke and Sierra talking, arguing actually. Sierra is crying, throwing her hands around and getting really close to Luke as she talks. Luke's yelling back, trying to get her to calm down and get her to listen to him but she won't. She finally walks away from him, going the opposite direction of where we are. I continue to stare at them.
Luke makes eye contact with me. He gives me a sad look before shaking his head, then turning away to run after Sierra.
