Ashton
We have to go.
Ashton let's go.
My feet can't seem to move as Luke says this, I just stay standing in place. The news just doesn't seem real at all. It just doesn't register for me right away.
"Ashton, let's go!" Luke pulls my arm and Michael moves to follow us. Luke pushes Michael back gently by the chest. He shakes his head. "Not you. You're too drunk. It's illegal for you to be drinking so you could get in trouble if anyone finds out." Michael frowns a bit and sighs, nodding his head slowly. I was surprised to see that Luke cared what would happen to Michael. He hated us, didn't he?
"Just let me know what happens, if she's okay."
"What about Calum?" I finally speak and they both look at me as if I've grown two heads. Calum would no doubt want to hear about this. If he wasn't drunk I'd take him with us. "Well?" Michael frowns and rubs his face.
"I'll go find Calum and let him know. Tell me how it goes." Luke nods and with that Michael is lost in the crowd. Luke drags me toward the exit. People eye us, looking confused. The few who overheard our conversation look saddened, shocked. They were probably wondering why she was in the hospital, but not me. I already knew why, and the thought of it felt like a punch to the stomach.
I follow Luke to his white Acura, neither of us caring to buckle our seat belts as he speeds off.
* * *
The ride is silent, almost awkward. I couldn't help but let a few tears fall as we park outside the hospital. This couldn't be happening. This felt like a nightmare, one that I couldn't wake up from.
"Are you okay?" Luke asks me. He's already looking at me when I turn his way. I sigh and wipe the tears from my cheeks. I shake my head.
"Why did you come to me?"
"'Cause I know you care for her, moron," I ignore his insult. Now wasn't the time to argue. "But mainly for her, I know she'd want you here."
"Why do you say that? You two haven't been talking much." Luke rolls his eyes and opens his car door.
"We may not talk much anymore, but she's still my best friend. I see the way she looks at you when I pass you both in the halls. I see the way she smiles at you during lunch. I know." He says before exiting the car. It takes me a moment, but soon I follow him too.
The waiting room is nearly empty tonight and I'm grateful. I didn't need other people witnessing my vulnerability. Not only that but I wasn't in the mood for a crowd of people in here.
"Luke, Ashton." I hear a familiar voice crack. I look over to the voice and see it's Alice's mum. Immediately she stands, approaching us. I move forward without a thought and pull her into a warm hug. I sigh and feel a knot form in my throat. I can't believe this is happening.
Cindy moves forward and pulls Luke into the hug as well. After a few seconds, she pulls away and looks at both of us with teary eyes.
This was happening.
"You sweet, sweet boys. I know she'd have wanted you two to show up. More so than anyone else." Her mother chokes up trying to wipe her tears as they fall, but I can tell she can't quite keep up. She gives up and continues to cry. I find myself tearing up again as well.
"Don't talk like that, Cindy," Luke speaks up defensively, crossing the room to take a seat. "Like she's already dead..." Luke tries to sniff away his tears, but it doesn't work. I frown. As much as I disliked Luke, we were both here for the same reason. We both love Alice, and it was evident with the way Luke reacted that he was still in love with her. I can't blame him. I really can't.
"Where's Calum?" Cindy speaks and I shake my head.
"I'll explain later." She frowns deeply. She probably wasn't happy that Calum hadn't made an appearance.
"Oh... okay." Suddenly, doors fly open and we all look to the sound. We notice a doctor, and she doesn't look too happy at all. She frowns at us and I feel my heart tighten in pain. If I lose Alice, I don't know what I'll do. If she dies, it will have been my fault. All my fault. I could've driven to her house. I could've held her when she was hurting, thinking, thinking about Sierra and her group of fucking skanks. I could've stopped this from happening. I-
"What's going on?" Cindy's voice ceases my thoughts. She approaches the doctor, panicked. I notice her shaking. I begin to cry, not ready for the news to come. "Is she okay?"
"She's lost a lot of blood, ma'am." I shake my head as the doctor speaks and I watch Cindy. She shakes her head and runs her hands through her hair. She looks as if she's about to lose it.
"Is she okay god damn it!?" She yells. She begins to sob. Soon enough I do too. I don't think I can take this.
"Just fucking tell us if she's alright." Luke snaps and I feel as if I can't breathe. This is all too much. I don't know if I can do it. I can't do this. The doctor sighs deeply and looks uncomfortable. She breaks eye contact with us a moment before regaining herself.
This was it.
"Due to the amount of blood loss she suffered from the... cuts on her wrists... I'm afraid we couldn't get her here in time." She speaks with such sadness it feels as if I've been punched in the stomach.
All that's heard in the almost vacant room is myself as I let out a loud cry. I sound as if I'm choking, dying. And I guess in a sense, I was dying.
That's it. She's gone. And you can never get her back.
"No," Luke sobs and shakes his head. "No, she's not gone. She can't be." Luke lets out a sick laugh. I felt terrible for him. He knew her eight years. Eight long, happy, and fun years with her. He knew her better than me yet here I was, crying like I've known her my entire life, but that's how it felt with her.
"I'm so sorry." The doctor frowns and Luke puts his hands in his face as he sobs.
"She-She can't be gone, she'd never do this to me, to us," He speaks, sounding angry this time. There's a long pause of silence before he speaks up again. "I wanna see her. I need to see her."
"I don't think-"
"Show me her!" I stand and put a hand on Luke's shoulder.
"Come on, Luke. She's gone..." Luke looks at me, red rings around his eyes. His bottom lip wobbles as he looks at me. He breaks eye contact before breaking down again.
"She's gone." He repeats after me. Before I know it, I'm holding Luke in my arms, rubbing him on the back as he sobs onto my shoulder. I sob with him too. This just didn't feel real at all. Just yesterday I was kissing her, joking around with her in Mr. Williams' class. Making fun of the way he taught and laughing about how we didn't understand shit.
"I'm sorry Luke." I cry. He shakes on me as he cries and he takes a deep breath, hiccuping as he replies.
"Me too."
