TRIGGER WARNING: DO NOT READ ON IF YOURE SENSITIVE TO SELF HARM
I continue to hear knocking on my bedroom door. I can faintly hear Luke calling for me but I choose to ignore it. I'm too overwhelmed with my thoughts. I can't stand this. I can't stand not being able to control the way that I think.
Why the fuck am I so bitter? Why do I step all over everyone who is so kind and loving to me? Why was I born this way and why can't I fucking change it?
I'm sitting on my toilet seat, a fresh razor in my hand. I hold it above somewhere new, the center of my forearm.
You deserve to feel the pain people feel when you hurt them with your words
I squeeze my eyes shut, letting the razor glide swiftly across my forearm. I yelp in pain quietly, opening my eyes to watch the blood rush to the surface of my arm. I wait a moment and glide it again directly above the one I've already created.
Tears well at my eyes. It hurt so bad but it's what I deserve. I ruined my parents marriage, I don't have many friends because of the way I treat people, not to mention I'm the class whore.
I didn't realize one of my closest friends was such a whore
Luke's voice plays throughout my head and I begin to cry, even my best friend thought so.
I cut a few more times, each time the pain becoming more numb to me.
I set the razor down on the sink, looking to the floor and realize drops of blood stain it. I quickly grab some toilet paper and begin to wipe the floor. Soon after I grab the first aid kit, taking out some gauze and medical tape.
I wrap up my arm and head to my room when everything's cleaned up.
Tears still cloud my vision and I wipe them away quickly, grabbing a maroon hoodie with our school mascot on it. I throw it on over my shirt and hop on my bed. My phone blows up suddenly and I sigh, assuming it to be Luke, but I'm gladly mistaken.
Ashton: Hey beautiful, hope you had a good night x
I smile softly and reply back to let him know I had a good time and was definitely planning on doing it again sometime.
I lay back in my bed, covering myself with my blanket before drifting to sleep.
• • •
The sunlight shines through the window as I open my eyes. I roll over, trying to get back to sleep until I realize I can't. I groan loudly and move the blankets off me.
The first thing I do is check my phone.
Ashton: Having a small bonfire tonight if you're interested, but then again, I know you are already .
I roll my eyes and reply back.
Me: Don't be so fucking cocky.
I lock my phone and change into leggings, I decide to keep my hoodie on considering my arm. I pull my hair up into a bun and make my way downstairs. I bring my phone with me.
Halfway down the stairs I can smell eggs and pancakes. That's weird, my mum never cooks us breakfast. I half hope my dad is here and we're celebrating his arrival from his business trip.
Of course I'm proven wrong.
I sigh deeply as I see Luke and Calum sitting at the table. Mum is smiling and talking about old memories with my dad and I roll my eyes.
Calum and Luke have been friends as long as Luke and I have been. The only reason they're friends is because of me. Luke probably just slept over with Calum.
