I hop out of bed with my phone, putting it into the pocket of the sweatpants I'm wearing.
I had the weirdest fucking dream, I don't know if it was my head fucking with me or if the truth was finally coming out, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I wake up in Luke's bed, in the same clothes I was wearing when he gave them to me. I get out of bed, heading downstairs quickly. I feel out of breath for some reason and my feet take me before I can even think to do it. I look around the house, shouting.
"Luke!" I felt alarmed and I didn't know why. I run around the house, searching for him. In his living room, I hear footsteps.
"Luke?" I call out again and move toward the sound. I walk in and see him staring at the tv. He looks over at me, his eyes are full of tears and I frown, advancing towards him.
"What's wrong?" He comes up to me quickly and wraps his arms around me tightly.
"I thought you died!" I look over at the tv and just now realize what's on the news. A picture of me is shown, under is titled.
LOCAL TEEN COMMITS SUICIDE
I frown, confused.
"But Luke, I'm right here."
"Luke!" I hear someone, Sierra. She comes up behind him, not crying but a sad look on her face. "Who were you talking to?"
Luke looks over to me and frowns, a confused look on his face. Suddenly I look around and we're in a totally different house and the TV is gone.
"I was... She was... Alice was right here." She frowns sadly, and I notice her wearing an engagement ring on her ring finger.
What the fuck is happening?
"Luke, she's gone." I begin to cry.
"I'm right here, Luke!" He doesn't seem to hear me because he grabs Sierra's hand and leaves the house with her.
The dream threw me off. It scared me to see him like that, even if it was only a dream.
I throw my hair up into a bun and head downstairs. I yawn as I walk into the kitchen. I didn't see or hear Luke as I passed the living room so I assume he isn't here. I make my way to his fridge, opening it up, not finding much interest in its contents. I settle for an apple and sit at the kitchen table. My phone goes off and I take it out of my pocket as I take a bite out of my apple.
Surprisingly, it isn't Luke.
Ashton: Hey, can we talk? I'm sorry about what happened at school, I saw you in the hallway...
I stare at the text, debating whether or not I should reply back. Ashton didn't treat me in the kindest way but I still found myself wanting his attention. Just as I go to text him back, I hear the front door barge open. The sound causes me to jump. Luke comes in, looking a bit frustrated. He came in with a few bags, probably just some household items. He walks into the kitchen, finally looking at me. He paints a smile onto his face, but I could tell it was fake.
"Hey, how was your nap?" I nod.
"It was okay," I smile back. "Are you okay?" He sighs quietly and takes things out of the shopping bags.
"I'm alright. Just... guy stuff." He shakes his head and puts some stuff in the fridge. I watch him and begin to wonder if it's about Sierra.
"Is it Si?" He looks over at me and frowns a bit.
"Yeah. We had our first fight," He laughs. "And not surprisingly, it was about you." I wanna smile but I don't bring myself too. I didn't want to seem rude.
"Well, what about me?" He sits in the chair beside me.
"She didn't like me taking care of you after your panic attack," He rolls his eyes. "She didn't like that it felt like I was giving you more attention and that I was still in love with you." I roll my eyes at that. Mostly because my mental and physical health was in danger. The first thing I needed to do was get out of that fucking school. I'm sure her needs could've waited.
"That actually makes me upset." He frowns.
"Yeah, me too," He laughs a little. "You're my best friend, I wasn't gonna leave you there having a panic attack alone. That's fucked up." He shakes his head.
"I agree with that," I look at him. His forehead creases in thought as he plays with one of the plastic bags. He looked sad and I didn't like it at all. "Why are you with Sierra anyway?" He looks up at me.
"I guess I just felt lonely, and she was pretty cool... until we got together," He sighs and frowns. "And now I feel even more lonely. How crazy is that?" I frown a little.
"You shouldn't be with someone just because you're lonely, because then it just won't work." Luke nods and bites his lip in thought. He speaks after a bit of silence.
"She was great, but now she doesn't want me being with any girls, not even you, and it sucks," he plays with his fingers and looks at me. "And I can't really stay away from you." I smile a little, he was so kind.
"Thank you, Luke." He smiles back at me and shrugs.
"It's no problem, you're the coolest person I've ever met, we've been friends for almost eight years. I'm not just going to get rid of you." I stare at him, completely grateful that I have someone as nice as Luke in my life. I feel so stupid for ever treating him unkindly. He has never once treated me with disrespect. He was always by my side when I needed someone and I don't know what I could ever do to repay him for being such an angel our whole lives.
"But I do want to help you, Allie," He says and I don't even have to ask what he's talking about to know. "I don't like seeing you like this." He frowns, looking over at my freshly bandaged arm.
"I know, Luke."
"Then how can I help?" I shrug.
"I don't think you can, Luke. I have to help myself." He frowns.
"This is shitty to watch. I hate watching you go through this," He stares at me. "We're gonna have to do this together." I stare back at him, and watch the way his lips turn down sadly. And then I start to notice the way he bit down on his lip when he didn't much know what to say. The way he runs his hand through his hair when the air felt awkward and conversation was a one way. I watch his tongue glide over his bottom lip as the room stayed silent enough to hear a pin drop.
"Alice?" I come out of my thoughts and continue to look at him.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay? You've been staring at me for a bit." He frowns a little and that's when it fucking hits me.
I have feelings for Luke.
Deep, strong feelings.
I got sick and bad vibes when Sierra was around because I knew he wanted her.
I got mad when he brought up my cuts because I didn't want to be a burden to him. I had pushed him away because I thought eventually, Luke would give up on me and not want to try, knowing I'm difficult.
I used Ashton to disguise how I felt because I thought Luke would never understand what my life was like at home. Yet here he was, arms wide open offering to help me.
"Alice?" He speaks again. When I hear him, I don't even think. I just grab his face, lean forward, and kiss him hard on the lips.
