Fall // Suho's FF [EN]

23. Self - destruction

~~~ Baekhyun - Rain ~~~

           

Self-destruction is something that comes suddenly. And the person that it concerns, is usually not aware of that.  Everyone else is, apart of that one particular person.

She was aware of it, but the difference was that she didn't care. She didn't care about anything.

If she was given the choice, she would not get up from the bed to go to school, or to anywhere at this point.

She realized how badly she was doing, when even a teacher called her to his office, to talk to her in all seriousness. When Baek or Bora tried to talk to her, she just brushed it off, but when teacher Seo, seated her down in front of him, scanning her with worry in his eyes.

"What is going on with you, miss Oh," he didn't bother with beating bush around, folding arm on his chest as he leaned against the desk.

"I don't understand, what you mean, teacher Seo," she met his eyes with her blank one.

"You walk around soullessly for past few weeks. I noticed you look tired almost all the time, but this time, I'm actually thinking that you are not sleeping at all," she wished, everyone could just ignore her, but she could not blame anyone. She looked dreadful.

"I feel great. Did I mess up my score in the last exam?" she asked. She didn't mind if she messed up. Her grades are almost spotless, she will just have to makes sure to fix it next time. She didn't feel bothered by it.

"No, that's not the problem here. I didn't call you here to scold you about your score, which is still perfect, by the way. I just worry about you. I wanted to talk to you, before I will make a decision and call your parents," the teacher was softly threatening her, gaining her attention. She frowned at him. He almost smiled, when he noticed he got a reaction out of her.

"There is no need to do that, teacher. I'm perfectly fine. I'm sure you read my file, I do have problems with sleep, but I function alright during the day. My parents are busy, you don't need to disturb them," she was speaking as politely as she was able to.

"I know all that, Jihye. But I would like to help you. You may not say it out loud, but your eyes are screaming for someone to help you," he tilted his head a little, causing his bangs to fall into his face.

"I don't need help, thank you for your concern. If I need it though, I will make sure to contact you," she smiled at him sullenly. There was no way, she will be sharing her struggles with her English teacher, no matter how handsome or kind he was.

"I will believe you," with that he let her go, she almost felt bad, but brushed it off quickly.

Since that day, she did the right thing, as she called it in her head, although she didn't feel right at all, she made sure to avoid any possible places, where she could run into him. That was why, she was looking around her all distrait, whenever she was out in the hallways.

Good thing was, he was trying to not meet her as well. That's how badly she hurt him back then. He couldn't stand to see her, or hear her... He didn't come to their house anymore. Which left her alone in there, most of the time, because  Sehun was usually in Jun's house these days. She didn't complain. It made it easier for her, because whenever Sehun was at home, he was bugging her, wanting to talk to her, just like everyone else.

Just like she thought before, just how certain she was, being with Jun was wrong. It was bad for her and for him mainly. Before, when he didn't pay attention and they were practically strangers, all was good. She could enjoy his presence, unnoticed. She was allowed to ogle at him, without anyone knowing. She saw him every day.