Shattered (Beau Brooks Fanfiction)

Chapter 39

*Beau's P.O.V.*

"Kel?" I called out as I pushed the door open with my foot, hands full with groceries.

"I got ice-cream. Thought we could watch a movie or something?"

I dropped the bags on the counter and listened for her reply. Nothing.

"Kelsie?" I called again as I walked down the hall, towards my room. Sticking my head in the door, she was nowhere to be seen. I started to get a little worried as I checked the bathroom and the rest of the house for her.

I gently knocked on Luke's door, "Luke?" Memories of last night came flooding back, me accusing him of sleeping with Kelsie. Fuck. I ran a hand through my hair and knocked again with the other. Pushing the door open without consent, I saw Luke still fast asleep buried underneath a pile of blankets and pillows. I gently shook him, still feeling regret for the accusations I made of him.

"Luke?" I whispered, shaking him again. He slowly started to wake, he had never been a deep sleeper.

"What's up?" He groggily replied.

"I'm sorry for last night, bro."

"Forget it, it was understandable." He nodded and smiled as he wiped his eyes.

"Do you know where Kelsie is?"

"No, did she leave?"

"I was hoping you'd know.." I trailed off.

He pushed back the mountain of cloth to join me look for her.

"You checked your room?" He asked.

I gave him a sarcastic look, and he chuckled in return. I pushed open the bedroom door again anyway but went in this time. A crumbled sheet of paper, full of writing, lying on the bed caught my eye. I pulled my eyebrows together in confusions as I grabbed it and scanned with rushed, it was in blue pen, obviously in her slanted, joined writing.

"I'm not stable enough for a relationship, or maybe I'm not stable enough for you." I stumbled over words as I rush to read it all, hoping and hoping this wasn't real life.

"made you think everything was going to be alright because it's not." My whole world was crumbling away in front of my eyes and I could do nothing to stop it because she was gone. I suddenly felt Luke's presence as I looked up and he searched my eyes for an answer.

"She's gone Luke." My hands trembled as I handed him the note.

"And this time she doesn't want me, she doesn't want me to find her."

He looked up with heavy, regretful eyes after he took in the letter.

"I'm sorry." His voice caught as he hugged me. Luke and I had never been the closest of siblings, we rarely hugged or talked about personal things together, but in this moment it felt so good just to have someone hold me.

"Do you have any idea where she is?" I mumbled as I pulled away.

"Look, maybe she doesn't want you to find her this time Beau."

I was taken back by his words, I flinched at the thought of not going to find her. In the back of my mind, I knew we weren't really over but hearing this. What if it really was over? I couldn't imagine my life without her, she was my lighthouse. She was bright and her smile could light up any room. She was always there for my when times were rough, and I could always count on her, no matter what. But I wasn't there for her, when she needed me most. I never knew at that moment, both of our lives would change forever. She lost her baby, our baby. I couldn't cope but right now I didn't even know how she was coping. And that is what was hurting the most. Not knowing where, or how she is, Susan could of found her for all I know. I felt like I had been stabbed, over and over again, until I couldn't find the will to carry on breathing.

"Beau?" Luke looked at me, drawing me out of my thoughts.

"I have to find her, what if something has happened?"

He took my arm, tightly in one hand. "No."

"You can't go after her, she needs space and if you don't give her that it will drive her to the point of hating you and I know that is not what you want. So for your own sake, leave her alone." He stubbornly said.

I clenched my jaw, I knew he was right but I couldn't stop my instinct protective feelings for her.

"Fine. I need to get out for a while."

"Promise me you won't do it?"

"I promise." I stared blankly ahead as I walked away from him, the letter crumpled into a tight ball in my fist.

*Kelsie's P.O.V.*

The harsh morning light, pierced through the thin, worn curtains onto my face. I moaned and rolled over, hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep, though knowing I had to leave. Pushing my tangled mop of hair away from my eyes, I wriggled out of the sheets. Happy to be getting away from them because they didn't smell the best. I sniffled and wiped my eyes in a feeble attempt to awaken my body. I groaned again as I tried to assemble myself to leave. Checking my phone, which was near to death at half a bar of battery left, it was 9.32am. I plugged my phone in, trying to get the best out of the few minutes I had before I left. I grabbed my toothbrush and walked to the cramped bathroom. Quickly, I undressed and hopped into the cold shower, which the handle for was broken meaning I couldn't turn up the temperature, I wasn't particularly sure it would even work in the first place. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms and legs, as I washed as quick as I could while managing to brush my teeth at the same time.

After I was dressed, I started to pack up. It's all so weird, I was quickly becoming used to pack and unpacking and repeating the process, whereas up to a few weeks ago I had been a silent prisoner to Susan and rarely had to pack to go anywhere, except for school and the occasional sleepover at Carries. Everything in my life had taken a turn in a matter of hours, I'm still happy I got away from Susan but right now, I'm possibly at the lowest I've ever been. I am so lonely. Without Beau or Carrie, without any stable relationship in my life, I am ultimately lost. And it is all my own fault.