Shattered (Beau Brooks Fanfiction)

Chapter 34

I looked in the mirror of the small ward I had just left. The dark circles under my eyes proved my lack of sleep and I looked at my lifeless face, I didn't think I had any tears left to run down my stained cheeks. I grabbed some tissue and dipped it under the running tap and tried to wash my face, only making me more red-faced. I pushed back my hair and rested my elbows on the small sink infront of me, trying to calm myself down. I could not get my mind off my baby, the woman said it had nothing to do with my almost accident, she said it was completely natural and it was not my fault. But what if I hadn't of almost hit that man? What if I didn't speed? What if I hadn't of even got into the car? What if I had made up with Beau? Would it still of happened? I took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears that I didn't know I was still holding. I wafted air in my face with my hand, composing myself before leaving. 

I was still taking deep breaths and counting in between them when I reached Beau's car, I unlocked it wondering if that man was okay. I wonder did he get home alright? I feel so guilty, I almost killed him and he still brought me here. I sat into the car and started it up, I gently lifted my top and put my hand on the small bump gently stroking it. Gone.

I had no idea where I was going, I had to tell him. The last thing I wanted to do right now was talk to him yet it was what I wanted most. I just wanted him, to hug, to kiss, to cry on. I need him and he's not here. I carried on driving until I reached Beau's, which wasn't far from the hospital. I pulled into the driveway and wondered where the car was, then mentally slapped myself when I remembered I was in it. I opened the car door into the cool January night and closed it genly behind me, my thoughts running through what I would say over and over. 

I pushed my key into the lock and turned it until I heard the familiar click, all the lights were off, maybe he had gone to bed? I turned on most of the lights in the small bungalo, glancing in every room, without luck I went down the hall to his room.

"Beau?" I whispered, not wanting to startle him, I flicked on the light and scanned the room for his body. He wasn't there, I left the room, getting worried. Where was he? Was he still at the party?

"Beau?" I shouted. No answer, he was defiantly still at that stupid party.

"What the fuck?" I moaned to myself, raking a hand through my knotted hair.

Why would he still be there? Do I mean nothing to him? Then I remembered that Gina and Luke arrived back today. Before long, my mind was back to the baby. This time I didn't hold back the tears flooding from my eyes, I cried harder than I ever did before. I had always been strong but not this time. There was no holding back.

Everyone must be asleep, I didn't want to wake everyone so I pulled out my phone, which was almost out of battery. Luckily I had an ancient phone so the battery lasted for about 3 days. I put the phone to my ear and listened to the ringing before a voice sounded through the line.

"Hello?" A groggy Luke answered.

"Luke, its Kelsie, I'm here, I didn't want to barge into your room."

"Is everything ok?" He asked, I could hear him getting up through the phone.

Just as I was about to answer him, I heard his bedroom door open upstairs.

"Are you o.." Before he could finish his sentence, I ran to him and he held me tight as I sobbed into his chest.

He shuffled backwards to close the door and then we just stood there, in silence in each others arms. After a while I pulled back and wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Luke asked, with sincerity in his voice.

I nodded and I plopped onto the soft couch in their sitting room, he sat down right beside me and we spoke at the same time.

"You first." He smiled.

"Luke.." My lip started wobbling, it was worse than I expected telling someone else. When I tell someone it will all be too real. "I lost the baby," I covered my mouth, muffling the cry the escaped my mouth.

"Oh Kelsie no! I'm so so sorry." Tears filled his hazel eyes and he pulled me into his arms. I cried again for at least the 5th time today, when would this stop?

"When?" He spoke up, in a raspy voice.

"Today, after.. after I left Beau at the party."

"What party?" 

"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure he was high, I went to go find out where he was but he was kissing another girl.." 

"What? Does he know about.. you know.." 

"No, that was after, he's still at the party I think.." I watched Luke's expression change.

"What a fucking dick! Did you break it off with him?" 

"Not really, I don't know." I confessed.

Luke shook his head, you deserve better than that, if I ever did that to Elizabeth she would have broken up with me straight away." He looks hurt, even at the thought of losing the girl he loves. 

"How is she anyway? I haven't seen her since the day we were in the hospital with Sam." I wanted to take the attention off me for a while.

"She's great, she's actually in Paris now with her acting group, their doing a play there!" His face shone with proudness.

"Wow! Paris that's amazing." I forced a smile. I was so happy for him and Elizabeth but I couldn't keep my mind off my own issues, I know how selfish that is but I couldn't help it.

"How is Sam getting on?" He returned my question.

"Fine actually, he's back with his foster parents, they seem lovely."

"You better get some sleep, its almost 4am, you can sleep in Beau's room if you want," He offered.

"Thank you so much, Luke," I thanked him as he lead me down the hall to Beau's room. I kept the lights off from my pounding headache, I slid under the cold blankets and shivered slightly.

"Do you need some clothes to sleep in?" He asked.

"No, I'm fine thanks." The soft jeans and jumper I was wearing was comfortable enough. I had to buy new clothes in the small shop in the hospital.

Just as he was about to leave the room, "Luke, can you sleep in here?" I asked.

"Of course." He smiled gently.

He gently tugged the blanket up to get it and moved in beside me, the heat radiated off his body to mine, I needed someone tonight, I couldn't be left with just me and my thoughts. That never ends well.

"Thank you," I whispered and I put my arm across his chest. He slid his arm under my neck and gently wrapped it around my cold body. He was cute with hugs, but Beau is that bit better. I wish Beau was here to hold me, I need to stop thinking about him. Getting Beau off my mind is all I seem to be doing lately.