Shattered (Beau Brooks Fanfiction)

Chapter 37

Beau had gone out to the shop and I was still lying here in bed, the thin sheets wrapped around my legs. I groaned and pulled my hair back into a tight ponytail, trying to be motivated. I sat on the edge of the bed, thinking of what to do next. I love him so much but it can't go on like this, everytime he goes out I'm scared. I'm scared of him getting with another girl, I'm scared of him finding someone better, I'm scared of him finding someone who's not as fucked up as me. I ask myself the same question everyday. Why me? Beau could find someone perfect, with no insecurities or messed up past, so why is he sticking with me?

I grabbed a piece of paper from the notebook in my bag. I took the nearly drained blue pen and started writing.

"Dear Beau,

I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I'm not going to be here anymore, but I can't do it. I'm not stable enough for a relationship, or maybe I'm not stable enough for you. You lied to me and deceived me and it breaks my heart to think what you would of done with that girl if I hadn't of turned up and ruined your fun. I wish we could be different, I wish I wasn't as fucked up and I am and I wish you could be left alone without doing drugs. I shouldn't of led you on this morning, and made you think everything was going to be alright because it's not. I'm sorry for being such a coward and not saying this to your face but I couldn't go on like this, us being broken and pretending it's okay. I want to leave you with happy memories of us together, like that time on the boat. Probably one of the best times of my life. But we both need to move on. We need to go our separate ways and lead different lives, we weren't meant for one another. I'm trying to get my life together and I don't need someone who lies to me in my life. Maybe one day in the far future we will cross paths, maybe. I love you Beau, don't ever forget that.

Yours Sincerely,

Kelsie."

I read over the letter and the hot tears brimmed in my eyes. I didn't want to leave, but I had to. I shoved most of my belongings in my bag, and wiped my eyes before silently walking down the hallway and exiting the small house. In the letter, I was left no choice but to be harsh about my departure, because if I wasn't he would try to find me.

With no means of transport or shelter, I decided to start walking,  not knowing where I would end up. I plugged in my headphones, hoping my phone battery would last for another while. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was scared as hell but I had to carry on, there was nothing else for me here, I tried to convince myself. 

Soon enough, I found my self in the city, close enough to the small retailers where we bought our apartment. I sighed as I headed for it, I had to make this final. Beau and I were over, there was no living together. I needed to get away from this city, I needed a fresh start where nobody knew who Kelsie Moore was.

I pushed open the door to the empty little shop, as a bell rang signalling there was a new customer. An older woman came out, I thanked it was not the same woman I had talked to before.

"Is everything alright, dear?" She looked up from beyond her circular glasses.

"I put a deposit on an apartment a few months ago here, I need to terminate the process." I explained.

"What's the name?"

"Kelsie Moore."

"I only have a Kelsie Brooks?"

Oh shit, I had completely forgotten about the card we used to pay for the apartment, it was registered as Mr & Mrs Brooks. It broke my heart hearing her say that. I swallowed down my emotions as I corrected her.

"That's me, the surname was a mistake on the card."

She nodded and tapped away at the old computer.

"I'll need to see the card, darling."

"Hold on." I mumbled as I dug an arm in my bag, feeling around for my purse. I clenched my fingers around it so it wouldn't get lost in the mess on the way out. I quickly unzipped it and swiped out the new-looking card.

I handed it to her without hesitation as she typed some more.

"It's done." She smiled across the desk to me.

"Thank you!" I let out a sigh of relief.

"May I see some other, smaller apartments, closer to the city?" 

"Yes honey, let me get them now." She slid across to the other side of the desk, opening the first drawer and pulling out a large, black ringbinder. She smiled again as she handed it over to me.

After flicking through multiple pages, I found a small apartment. It wasn't the best, but it would have to do for now. It had one bedroom, one bathroom, a living room and a small kitchen. Since it would only be me living there, it would be enough room. Especially since I don't have many possessions. The apartment was about 40 minutes from the city, seeing as a good college was close by, it wasn't too bad. I rested my finger on the page and looked up, to see her watching me. There obviously wasn't much work to do in this small shop. 

"This one is perfect." I lied.

I re-read the text below the picture of the small, white living room,

"Brilliant Hawthorn apartments are central to every enriching Hawthorn  experience - From the appeal of stylish shopping strips like Auburn Village to the bustling Swineburne University Campus and the cool cafes on nearby Glenferrie Road. Brilliant Hawthorn is within walking distance of Aubur Railway Station and has easy access by tram or train to the city. It is also surrounded by everything that makes Hawthorn so much more radiant than other, inner Melbourne suburbs, such as beautiful parks, tree-lined streets, elegant restaurants and fine art galleries."

Maybe this place wouldn't be so bad.