Hide and Seek

Story of my Past

Chapter X

 

 

“You know, James and I used to be very very close.

At the age of 12, nakilala ko yung guy na lage akong ipinagtatanggol sa mga bullies. He was very sweet back then. Pag malungkot ako dahil wala ang parents ko, siya yung nagiging clown ko. We used to share secrets. We were best of friends. There was never a dull moment.. until that day, on my 16th birthday, he asked me to be his girl. I thought it was a joke, but later realized that it was not. Haha. He gave me flowers. He did everything na makakapagpasaya sakin. He sang out of tune. Believe me, it’s so terrible.. I even laughed at him kasi feeling Daniel Padilla siya nun. But you know, it was too sweet to ignore. I thought that if he’s officially mine, wala ng makakapag-hiwalay samin. Kaso we’re both young and naïve. We fought over silly things. I was so selfish back then. I don’t wanna see him with other students. Whether with his barkada or classmate niya na girl. Yeah, possessive.. hanggang sa may time na nararamdaman ko na na nagkakaroon na kami ng gap, hindi na siya ganoon ka-sweet.. Minsan pakiramdam ko, best friend na lang niya ko ulit pero yung best friend na hindi na ma-sharean ng secrets. I felt like we’re already falling apart..” hindi na ko ganon ka-affected kaya natatawa kong tinignan ang ngaun ay tahimik lang na nakikinig na si KBlaze. Nasa unit ko siya ngayon, nakaupo sa couch, nakaupo sa tabi ko. He didn’t ask me to tell him the whole story but I felt like I needed to release this than keep it to myself.

“Then, one day, sa school namin, I saw him with another girl. The way he smiled at him, looked at him and held him. It was different. Way different when he was with me. For the very first time, I realized that yung James na kilala ko e may iba din palang sides, may ibang paraan yung pag-smile at may ibang dahilan na ang pag-ngiti niya. That he also has his own world. World without Katy..” maluha-luhang sabi ko habang nakangiti kay KBlaze.

“Hindi pa man tapos yung klase, I already asked my teacher kung pwede niya ko pauwiin ng maaga kasi I’m not feeling well. We’re not classmates, at least dun meron kaming world, meron siyang sariling world. So ayun, umuwi na nga ko. He then found out na umuwi ako ng maaga. Nagpunta siya agad sa bahay namin.

I was so afraid to lose him. So afraid to know na hindi na niya ko mahal as gf niya. But, that same feeling help me decide..” Nakatingin pa din sakin si KBlaze. Naramdaman ko na lang na yung kamay niya nasa pisngi ko na pala. Wiping the tears coming from my dramatic eyes.

“So I decided to let go.

Sabi nila, if you love him/her, set ‘em free. Cliché right? Pero totoo yun. I love him and I know that time, hindi na same yung love namin sa isa’t-isa. I’d rather lose him now kesa dumating pa yung araw na magmamakaawa pa siya na pakawalan ko siya.

Na-realize ko na, hey, my love for him wasn’t really selfish at all. I gave his space kahit hindi pa man niya hinihiling. I gave him his world back. Kasi alam kong we need to grow…

Apart..

Ang daming nagtaka, kept asking me, why did I let him go. Isa lang ang sagot ko sa kanila.

The moment I saw him smiled at Liz, alam ko na that he has found his real love. I know that na-confuse lang siya sa feelings niya sakin, same as how confused I was nung sinagot ko siya. Yes. I loved him but that wasn’t enough for me to hold him tight.