Alation

Revelation

I kept mulling, frustrated and annoyed

I had plans and I toiled my whole life, 

I reached out only to feel a void

All I was left with was blight and strife. 

I kept questioning the Divinity

His wisdom was as though lost on me, 

I begged for mercy and sanguinity

While he left me lost at sea.  

Years passed silently traipsing

My vivacious soul had withered, 

I built walls around me, escaping

My every action was dithered. 

Time elapsed; the walls grew stronger

Brick by brick my home was secluded,

The thought of abandonment, I could bear no longer

I thought He left me, I was deluded. 

One fine day, as the sun shone brighter

I saw my path, my plan, only better, 

It unfolded before me and I felt lighter

Why was I worried? He was my setter. 

He gave me trials to show me my worth

He blocked my path when I took bait, 

Today I'm sturdy with my undeterred girth

My dreams are clear, absolutely worth the wait. 

Brick by brick I built my walls

That's exactly how they will be torn apart, 

When I built them I didn't hear His calls

Even in my solitude, He never did part. 

He was with me all along

Loving and nurturing my every wound,

To Him the blueprints of my life belong

To Him my existence came around. 

If I wrote my destiny I would write my desires

He wrote way more than I would demand, 

For He knows my value and set me higher

His wisdom I now see in each grain of sand. 

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ 

Folks!

Guess who's back? Back again! 

I hope you guys missed Alation! Cause I missed it like hell or no, like heaven actually :p

This piece had dawned on me like an epiphany. I was seated at a sermon, thinking about how life had been and where I reached. I had grand plans for life, grand ones, I kid you not. At the age of 15, I had my whole plan sorted out. I knew where I had to get and I knew how to get there. But at each stage, it so happened that my plans laid in ruins. Each time I would dust off, stand up and say okay, I can still reach my goal, I can still get there, maybe I can use this different path. And the shutting of doors kept happening. 

Until one point, where I said to myself, "Okay Zo, your life-long dream is never going to work out. You have taken so many different paths, that this is it. You can't get there." And then when you hear from people, oh you know, this is impossible. You simply can't, at some point, somewhere, you end up believing it. I did. I made peace with the fact that I would never make it to where I wanted to. 

One fine day, an opportunity knocked. Like out of the blue, a door, a magnificent door was made by breaking a thick wall. I knew I wouldn't make it. What? With my amazing luck? It was too much to expect. And against my better judgement, I worked on it hammer and nail, only to face rejection again. Surprisingly, this time, in the worst of times of my life, I didn't feel hurt. I felt like it would get better, and by God it did. A wish I had made once in my life, just a little thought, what if this happens? And then immediately brushed it off saying, nah, I ain't good enough. That little thought, that little wish, came full circle. 

Never had I imagined my Allah would bestow me with so much. My dreams were small, simple. My dreams would take me on a path often travelled. My Lord knew my worth. He kept barricading my choices to bring me where I am today. And even though the path he has set me on is full of difficulties and trials, I know his plan is the best. He made me, he has no reason to hurt me unless it's for my betterment. 

So long and short of this really long narration, is the fact that we all face closed doors. And then lament that we are in a walled room with no openings. He made those walls, He damn well can break them. Just have faith in His plan for you. He wrote your story, he shaped your life, a story, a life specially for you. How much He must love you to do that? 

All I'm saying is, hang on in there. The best is yet to come. 

I would like to dedicate this piece to everyone who's having an existential crisis. Anyone that's lonely or hurt or lost. He has not and will never abandon you. Just remember that... 

If you liked this piece of work, do vote and leave your valuable comments!

With this, I shall take your leave. 

Until next time!

Zoya