Alation

Breaking Free

Anxious, restless, scared, and glum

To this darkness, I may succumb. 

Feels like I'm caged and can't get away, 

Trapped in here like a helpless prey. 

I feel like a bird with broken wings, 

Entangled deeply in these damaged strings. 

Sometimes loneliness feels so loud, 

Sometimes silence kills in the crowd. 

I try to move but I fear I'd fall, 

My wings are broken, therefore, I stall. 

At times I don't allow myself to think, 

What if that pushes me to the brink?

I find excuses and diversions, 

To prevent my soul's ultimate submersion. 

I feel at home in this abyss, which is why

I try not to let anyone know something's amiss. 

I've mastered the art of hiding it all, 

I stand on my feet strangely tall. 

When it's dark and my spirit bawls, 

I let out low, guttural drawls. 

When the day dawns, I try to glide

My wings are broken but at least I tried. 

I want to move on and feel new things, 

One day I will fly with my new wings. 

Until then I will cry when I must, 

I won't let the pain become rust. 

It is arduous a journey to undertake, 

My will to live I won't forsake. 

I will be merry where the sun beams, 

Where it doesn't, I'll see it in my dreams. 

Breaths may seem laboured at times, 

But in it's hush, life gratefully chimes. 

Until I feel like myself again, 

I will dance in these thunderous rains. 

~~ ~~ ~~ 

Hello, peeps! 

It's been an excruciatingly long time and now that I'm back, I'm back with a rather heavy piece. This quarantine / physical distancing, call it what you will, has got me feeling all kinds of things. 

I must confess, this is a personal piece. For months, I've been grappling with some form of depression. Being the kind of person that I am, I refused to share it until a close friend took me by the arms and shook the acceptance into me. He ensured I knew that I wasn't okay but he's also going all out to ensure that I get out of this. One of his theories is to talk about it, about my feelings, about what scares me and what keeps me up at night. 

So I shared. @Nikk03 and @LaraRuze reasoned with me that my writing has always been my solace so why didn't I seek it when I clearly needed it the most. Therefore, here I am, with a melancholy piece hemming on hope. I do truly believe that I will be okay, no matter how long it takes and that's the exact message I wish to give to you all. Things may feel difficult and you may feel unlike yourself, but you can't give up because each breath you take is a gift from the Almighty telling you he loves you and wants you to keep going. 

I'll end with a quote from Finding Nemo, "Just Keep Swimming." 

Until next time, 

Zoya