To Dwell In Nightmares and Dreams

Author Notice

I don't usually do Author notices but I'm aware that this period has gone on a lot longer than I intended so I thought you should know why and when things are going to go back to normal.

So if you're wondering where I've been, things have been a little "ugh" for me right now (I'm not getting along with my parents and just figuring out what I want to do with my life is tough, especially when I feel pushed and shoved in a direction that I'm not sure I want to go in) I did go on holiday by myself for the first time, so that was also a big thing for me also, however after I came back my motivations been well, not good. I will come back to this though I am not sure when, HOWEVER I have started writing chapters again so when I do come back I will be able to post a LOT of chapters all in one go and consistently. 

I've been stopping a lot before this and I guess its all lead up to this. For a while I was trying to pretend that all I needed to do was start writing, so it be easy to start and there was no big problem and it was just a little break so I could just fix some small problems in my life but those problems where much bigger than I tried to make them out to be. I tried to pretend they were a easy fix, that all I needed to do was face them head on and that would sort everything out, that doing so would help me figure out what I should be aiming for in life, in my career and now after University what I should do now I have nothing lined up. 

The more I stress and stressed about what I want to do with my life, the less and less motivation I had to start writing. I was incredibly good at updating and writing chapters at University and people asked me how I was able to do it, I didn't know, it just seemed easy for me to write and get the motivation to do so, now I think about it, I think the main reason was that my life was stable, I thought I knew what I wanted for my future and how to get there but after University I found myself drained and doubting my own abilities in what I thought I wanted to do. 

So yeah, I do have some advice. I know many people have said this but please before you pick the job you want to do for life or University course you want to do (Only one if you're from the UK like me) Please make sure its something you're dead set on and I do recommend not rushing into it like I did, explore all other options first. Hell, take a gap year or something like that. I do think I felt like I wasn't ready for University beforehand but because of my parents and teachers I thought it was the only way to get a good future, obviously that is not the case. Take it slow, do not give in to other people if they try and pressure you into making that choice and take it at your own pace. 

And I think I'm trying and still trying to take that last part of my own advice as well. It'll be tough but you got to do it, for yourself, no one else.