Wicked Games (book one)

59

song for chapter:
all my friends - snakehips
| I'm crawling back to you babe |
(highly recommend + put on repeat)

jaylee's pov
saturday night

sitting on the stairs, my fingers lightly played with the black rubber band around my wrist. my thoughts have been trapped inside my head for two days, and my body has never felt this way before.

I wouldn't have guessed that keeping your thoughts to yourself and not opening up, is the reason people get that feeling of emptiness inside.

keeping quiet starts to make you over think everything, and over thinking leads to a wreck of emotions. but, if you just keep choosing to not share those emotions, they slowly fade away causing the feeling of emptiness.

my mind has been reminiscing on these past months, trying to process how every moment ethan and I have spent together, was all just so he could have sex with me.

I can't even put it into words about how confused I am.

I get it. he can fake emotions, he can fake his actions, but how can he fake his own heart?

I haven't been able to wrap my head around the memory of him taking my hand and putting it over his heart. then, when I kissed him, his heart began to beat so quickly.

how does one fake that?

I don't know. maybe I'm just in denial.
maybe he just gets so heated in the moment that his heart rate increases with any girl he kisses.

I exhaled a large breath as my fingers continued to play with the stretchy rubber band around my wrist.

the music inside of the house was loud, but the sound of intoxicated talking teens was louder than the speakers.

parties have never really been my thing, I only used to go to them because ethan went to a majority of them.

but, being here just feels right for some reason. not necessarily being in the party, but being a part of it.

sitting on the stairs, watching each person drink, smoke, or take some sort of drug is the only thing really keeping me sane right now.

knowing that I haven't stooped to the level of pain to where I feel that I need a drug or alcohol to cure myself is what is reminding me that I'm strong.

plus, if I go home, I just have to face my parents and or sammy. I'm sure he's heard about everything that happened between ethan and I.

now it like I'm waiting for the clock to run out for the next time I have to see him.

i already know he's going to give me the whole 'I told you so' speech, and my parents most likely will too knowing them.

who knows, maybe they will even force me back into a relationship, but I swear the minute they try to pull shit like that on me, I'm getting the hell out of town.

I'm eighteen now, I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. the only thing holding me back is graduating, there's only three weeks of school left anyways.