Wicked Games (book one)

1

song for chapter:
somewhere over the rainbow
[israel kamakawiwo ole]

jaylee's pov

happiness.

such a delicate word that has such a tight hold on everyone.

it's the one thing that people would go to drastic measures in order to receive.

sometimes, I question myself if I am happy or not.

of course, everyone's expectations for me are to be happy, but if you put the puzzle pieces together... they don't quite fit.

if i tell you the basic facts about me, you'd think i am happy.

my life consists of a boyfriend,
two parents,
a brother,
a best friend,
a ukulele,
and singing.

sure, that sounds nice, but what if I told you the context of these things.

like that my boyfriend, sammy, is in a gang that he got into just because he likes to have the satisfaction of knowing people are afraid of him.

constantly, he smokes weed, drinks alcohol, and pulls guns on people to keep his ego high. classy right?

you would think that pulling a gun on someone could get you thrown in jail, but the town I live in isn't here to please the people or keep them safe.

this town simply just wants money.

what if I told you that i don't even want to be with sammy and that my parents are making me date their best friends son?

my parents care more about their friends than they do their own two kids. they'd do anything to keep their bond wrapped up in a bundle.

what if I told you that my brother got drugged at a party for simply trying to take me home because I felt uncomfortable.

he died that night from overdosing.

or what if I told you that my own boyfriend was the one that drugged and killed my brother because he didn't want me to leave.

sure, no one saw this happen, so no one blamed him.
but, I know it was him.

I can still remember the feelings of his hands on my hips, pulling me close to him while my brothers warm hand wrapped around my wrist.

after knowing sammy wasn't going to let it happen, my brother and I stayed. we stayed quiet as we sat on the couch waiting for the night to end.

that's when sammy offered up a water bottle to my brother.

goosebumps swarm over my skin just think about what happened next.

police claim it was an accident because they don't care enough to go into investigation.

it's "wasting their time."

moving on...

what if I told you that my best friend had to move half way across the world to become a professional trainer for surfing?

she moved when we were only nine.
only a single hug for a goodbye, then gone.

what if I told you i used to sing while playing my ukulele for my brother, but now that he's gone, I haven't touched it or sang a single lyric?

he was the only person I played for, being he was the only person that i cared about.

having no one to play for, there's no point in playing.
having no one to sing for, there's no point in singing.

you see, this world only looks at the outline of people's lives, but when you take a closer look, you see the true stories that hide inside the doors of people.

you can label people as happy from the outline of their life, but once you get a peak inside, you question them.

are they truly happy?

i try my best to keep a positive structure, wanting to make others feel that small glow inside of them, but I wonder when I will ever feel mine.

sometimes I begin to question if it even exists, but then I remember when I used to feel it.

back when I had my brother.

having a meaningful figure in my life, caring about me, and that I can care for is what makes me happy.

I don't have anyone who truly cares anymore.
I guess that's the feeling my body longs for.

not my parents, not my boyfriend, not a best friend, no one.
no one truly cares for me.

the guys in this town just want you for lust.

they want to feel every inch of your body and every layer of your skin until they are done with you, then they block you out.

not speaking from experience, I guess I just see things.

but yeah, I have no one.

it's okay though, I'm strong.
i believe it will come eventually, right?

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