My Adorable Bully (Matthew Espinosa)

Chapter Nineteen

I wake up in the car on my way which seems to be home. I have stitches on my left arm and it's throbbing. I look at the driver and it's Cameron; I don't know what to say but I say it anyways. "Cameron I'm so sorry" I say almost whispering because it's hard to talk. "His words got to my head, and it all flashed." I breathe in through my nose and hold my breath again "It all flashed back to when he bullied me and like how badly I wanted to end my life" he says nothing, still looking ahead both of his hand on the steering wheel.

"Cameron I swear to god say something" I say. "Stop" he replies in a dry tone not moving a muscle. "Stop what?" I ask "Stop being suicidal, stop cutting stop it all" he says stopping the car. "Cameron." "Don't cameron me, because all I want to do it keep you safe and all I want to do is be your big brother and be here for you when you need me, and I know it's my fault I haven't been here often but all the fights we got into ha-" "have been from you protecting me" I finish him "Yes dear. You need to realize that." "Cameron I'm so sorry," I lean over and kiss his cheek "I love you Madeline" he grabs my wrist "remember that" he finishes. We get home and I put on my jean shorts and a sweater, (I apply make up to the cuts like always, the huge gash on my arm from the bottom of my palm to my elbow is sowed.) I sigh and sit on my bed.

2 weeks later.

I walk outside to the park, I have my phone in my hands and I'm looking down into them I continue walking until I look up and see Matthew doing the same. He was spamming my phone telling me to answer and that he was coming over. I had nowhere to run, I ran left into the alley. Man this place brings back memories, bad bad memories. I'm planning on ignoring him forever. The struggle hurts, the pain of me desiring him but the cuts saying no and my heart straying away for Cam. I sat against the wall and began to weep into my hands and just cried. I mean I've wanted to let the stress flow out of me somehow. And this is better than hurting myself. Cameron offered to pay for a therapist but it is so expensive that we seriously can't afford it. Cam's gigs have sky rocketed and I now get noticed as his sister in public.. that or Matts girlfriend... ex.. Cameron begged the nurses for free help at a therapist for me but were not insured.
I couldn't go home because Matt was there unless I go talk to him and that's not happening.
I waited about an hour in the alley. I checked my phone and noticed matt calling besides the 9 missed calls, and I don't know what or why I did it but I pick up. "How are you?" he says as soon as I answer "why do you care about an inconsiderate slut?" I ask him. "Because ever since I laid eyes on this girl names Madeline Dallas, I instantly fell in love, I knew she was perfect for me, but she put up a fight and I hurt her. Which was wrong. I love her so much and I want her home to prove it"

"No" 

"Madeline. I had a bad day. I think you would flip if you had a bad day too if you knew the only girl you loved cuts herself because of you."

"So you hit me?" I say realizing how madly in love he is with me. "You promise you wouldn't hurt me again" I say

"I know baby but I'm super sorry times a million trillion times." He pauses. "Madeline I love you and if you can't accept the fact that I am deeply in love with you and always have been and alway will be then I can't change it" silence.
I walked home and opened the door to my room.
"I love you Madeline Dallas. I will never stop trying to win you back even if you don't accept it now." He grabs my wrist and plants kisses all the way from top to bottom. Golden moment.
"I'm so sorry princess, I'm truly sorry." He whispers. "You've said that already." He looks into my eyes, and I place my lips onto his slowly.

"I'm sorry too Matthew."

I don't know if i meant it this time but i knew deep down I need him to be happy, I need some sort of happiness in my life. My lips didn't even mean to kiss him, my brain just did it by, i don't know. I guess, force, repetition... not love.